finding my way home...

So the time came to make some decisions. I've been writing lately about the BIG decisions that come along in life...not like...what should we eat for dinner...OR even...where should we go on vacation (that is IF you take vacations...we haven't...in a while). Standing at the edge of life we looked around, surveyed all we had, decided we didn't have what we wanted...some things had to go...

**If you're looking for a post to brighten your day, you may want to hit the 'next blog' button up top...this will not be one of those

Serious conversations began. We have had some REALLY rough years, this last year probably being one of the hardest. As we took a dive into our existence to see what we were made of, one of the things we've learned is God has to...HAS TO...have His way with us or we won't ever fulfill His purpose here. As our Pastor L put it this weekend...we were made to give Him everything...and when we give Him everything...we find out what we were made for. So we're starting the process of giving Him everything. What does that look like for us? Well first step is to sell our house. Hard to do in this economy. Might not look pretty...but it's a start and it's necessary. 

One of the things that dawned on me today is even though I get the fact Isaac is at home in Heaven...there was something in the back of my mind gnawing at me about leaving this place...and my memories of him here...this was our home with him...he never made it back with us from the hospital...but still this place was our home together...and leaving here...means leaving some of that. Part of me is grateful I don't have to go into my office in the basement anymore where I spent a lot of time crying, the other part of me is so sad. There is history engraved in this place. I know I know...the memories go with me...but all the same...it's tough. 

This Summer I took a drive...wasn't sure where I was going...I ended up driving up and up...and somewhere on Mt. Evans...I pulled over and was listening to Mercy Seat blaring in my car...I rolled down the window's to let the sound blast through a meadow and watched some dear grazing while I cried out begging God to tell me what in the world He was doing. His only response to me ... "I make all things new"...and that He does...

It will be an interesting journey packing up this house...I'm sure the tears will keep coming and the uncertainty of what God is doing with us will continue until He choses to fill us in...but the two things we know are: Give Him everything...find yourself...and He will make all things new. 


More to come...more decisions to be made...I'll let you know as they happen...

Say what?

We have been grappling with finding the path God wants us on. More and more the signs are pointing to a specific region, at a specific place, with a specific people...hmmm? Could I be more specific? no...

Anyway...Sunday morning I just happened to be helping in Kids Church for the first time EVER and we were watching a Compassion video on some kids from this specific place and they were in a Church singing. My daughter the Bug leaned over with a very concerned look on her face and said: "mom, are they worshiping the One True God?" I didn't think the love barometer could spike so high...but it did and in a half a second I was in tears. "yes baby, they are worshiping the one true God."  Later when we got in the car, she started telling us everything she was planning on giving to the children AND that we needed to bring one boy and one girl home so we stayed even...she is truly an amazing child...and I'm not sure what I did to deserve her...

as a side note, if you live in the San Antonio area and need an amazing photographer...who happened to take the above picture go here.

In any case...I just wanted to say that when the Lord starts to call you to His plan and His work...or rather...when WE start to listen and finally hear the call...because I think all of us are called...He makes it so evident...He even has the audacity to use our children (gasp!)

I promise to keep you updated. This could be a short term thing, it could be a long term thing, it could be a 'Just wanted to see if you would say yes' thing, but all the way around we know it will be a God thing.

Love you all,

Sara

Asher Update

*****************************UPDATE***************************************
Houston....we have poop. And that's all I'm going to say about that because I think we're all tired of talking about this crap poop. 
*******************************************************************************


You'll love this...I have nothing new to tell you. We had the ultra sound done. It was horribly annoying. Jason and I had to hold Asher down, the tech had no bedside manor and didn't even acknowledge Asher except to tell him the gel would be cold. SERIOUSLY??? You're going to tell a 19 month old that doesn't even know why you flew in the room, flipped the lights off and now you're putting something on him and you can't even say hi? No wonder why he started screaming. 


We were told the doctors office would get the results within the next 24 hours...so yes...you guessed it...I'll be calling once lunch is up and hounding the doctor to see if she can call and get the results sooner. 


Bleh...in any case. He's asleep now, no more dirty diapers of any kind except for wet.Thanks for hanging in there with us in prayer! 

What you Know in your Knower

**Update #2 Ugh…so now they are saying he has to have had NOTHING by mouth for 6 hours before they will do the Ultra Sound. Brandi does this sound right? We have an appointment at 7:30 in the am. I guess now we wait another day. 


**Update #1 - Just got off the phone with the Dr.’s assistant who said we SHOULD  be expecting runniness instead of solid and that she didn’t want to call in the ultra sound till his symptoms changed. I asked if the fact that he was not eating very well now made any difference and she said  not to worry…so I said…well I am worried and I want the ultra sound done as planned so we can have some piece of mind. She said she would call it in now. We will hopefully be on our way shortly. I also clarified with her that she would call me TODAY with results…she said yes. I’m sure she cussed me when she got off the phone, but what can you expect when you tell a mother her son has something in his tummy?

I have a PA-RECIOUS boy. His name is Asher...but we call him Biscuits. He has been the coolest kid and by all measures...probably will be the most spoiled. I think this is common with your last...or when you have lost the one before...I just think you spoil your kids more. In any case, we think he rocks. I just wanted to ask you to pray for him today. 

On Sunday he started throwing up when he was in bed and then having runny tummy poopy issues the rest of the time. I took him in on Tuesday because he wasn't acting sick and things weren't adding up. So they did an Xray to see what they could see. We found out yesterday he has a block in his stomach that is most likely, hopefully, just from a little constipation. 

We are going to go in for an ultra sound today since we have been doing a lot of laxatives and still no poop. Just pray for him for comfort and that mommy and daddy will live Psalm 112:7 He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Because we know in our knower God is in control...sometimes that doesn't relate back to the heart. I know you all have my back in prayer and I'm so blessed to have you in my community. 


Love you all


Sara

Awakened Awareness...

UPDATE:


Ezra 8:23 So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and he answered our prayer.


This is what I want to proclaim over all of you who have joined me today! I believe that even before we knew we would be here together on this journey, God had and has a plan to show Himself mighty to each of us. I can't wait to hear how He works in you and in your situations today and in the days to come. 


Have a blessed time in Church. 


Love you, 


Sara
****************************************************************


I want to encourage you today to be inconvenienced for the sake of others. 


I have been sitting and reading story after story of people desperate for hope. It dawned on me today that although I feel hopeless to help, I can do something. On Sunday the 28th I am committing to fast for 24 hours (starting when I wake up) through Monday morning. I would love it if you would join me. I know I know...it's so inconvenient...but when you start to read the stories from the links below...you will see why. 


Please take some time to post sites you know of, or tell me in the comment section about someone you know that needs prayer and why. THEN, if you have committed and feel lead to join me on Sunday, please let me know. 


I believe in fasting. I KNOW it works. PLEASE forward to everyone you know. Let's make this big! Let's spend 24 hours being inconvenienced for these people and approach the thrown of the Father and seek out a miracle from Him. 

Something to pray about...

So this has been a tough weekend. We have set into the dark months of my work...which are usually January and February...this is where I don't close anything, just because of the time of year...and we have to do a lot of praying to make it to the next commission and pay day. We also had our basement overflow with sewage yesterday. Disaster...horrible, smelly disaster. I cried only once, but gagged a LOT. After a lot of bleach, ripped out carpet and hurt back I stood in my wrecked basement and thanked God for preparing me for what I know is an awareness of things to come.


Can I handle standing in Africa, amidst poor water conditions and children who are being wasted away by that? Can I handle going to India and deal with the stench of the trash and children fishing through it to find their next meal?
Can I stand in Haiti and soak in the devastation of an already poor country hit by devastation beyond what I can understand?
Can I?


My answer is I will. I love how God works through our days. Shows us things we otherwise wouldn't recognize in our comfortable living rooms, eating our fast food and watching TV that takes us away from reality into a world that pulls us from being aware. I WANT to be in that mode of full awareness...daily understanding that I'm blessed...holding a child that never otherwise would feel loved if it wasn't for people like us willing to go. I'm so ready.


We are on a journey. Will my husband lose his job? Will I get another commission anytime soon? Will the Lord finally show us when and where we are to be?


I don't know. If you want to pray with us, we'd love that. What I do know? I'm grateful our sewage system backed up yesterday.


Love you all.


Sara

I'm not ignoring you...

For those of you who are so wonderful and faithful at checking back at my blog to see if there are any updates, I just wanted to update you on the latest update...in a not so updated sort of fashion....overkill? Okay I'm done, here it goes:

I am speaking this Friday, if the weather permits, and therefore all of my writing energies are focused on that right now...and being a mom, mother and mortgage broker...and Bible Study...

So, don't be dismayed, because I just know you're in a fetal position on the floor waiting for my next post....(insert cricket noises here) (once again)..I will be back.

Love you all. I will most likely post what I spoke on next, so be reading up on Balaam and the Donkey and lets see if you can guess what I'm talking on.

Sara

PS: This is me getting distracted from writing to prove I wear glasses to my Brandi girl...you can her check out HERE and you should because she rocks!

To My Husband

Jason,

The last year of our marriage has been one God moment after another. If anyone has a doubt as to His existence, we can prove them otherwise over and over at this point. The biggest testimony to His work in me is that you are still here with me.

Nine years ago today I woke up without one doubt in my mind or heart that I was getting ready to seal a part of the plan God had ordained over my life from the moment of His weaving me in the womb. There was never a man that stirred my heart the way you had. You were meant for me. At times over the years I haven't treated you as the gift that you are. This passed year...I have done and said a lot of stupid things. I have broken your heart, made you cry, doubted His plan, run away from you and hurt you so many times. For that..I am so sorry. And for that...I am so greatful for your forgiveness.

Jason, no one ever made me feel the safety I felt when I was in your arms. I still feel that way after 12 years of being in your arms. I can't tell you how happy I am to know that I get to have that for the rest of my life. I never in my wildest dreams thought we would be here today, loving each other the way we do with the security that our relationship has been ordained by the King Himself and NO ONE can tear that apart. You are mine.

I am more in love with you than I ever thought possible. When I look at you, I don't just see a guy that I share a house with and 3 babies with...I see a really hot man who makes my knees week and my tummy fill with butterflies. I look at you and I can't believe you still want anything to do with me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for not giving up on us.

I love you Jason. Happy Anniversary.

Writing to Write

Years ago...when I was in college...which really was years and years ago....I took a persuasive writing class. I really wasn't that into school and I had yet to declare a major, so I would pick classes that seemed to be easy enough to get through. I can't even tell you what my thesis was on for this class other than it had something to do with G. Gordon Liddy, and don't even ask me what I could have possibly persuaded people about when it came to Liddy...the answer to that is I have no clue. But I wrote it and I turned it in and I passed...so really does anything else matter? 

As any self respecting college student would do, I wrote my first assignment hours before it was due. Due to the complicated nature of the assignment and my lack of hours researching for the paper, I opted to write a paper on why you should have fish for pets instead of cats or dogs. It was very remarkable and earned me an outstanding grade as well as a proclamation from my teacher that she had declared my major for me...and it would be English. Ask me how far that has taken me...no don't...no...yea no...

Anyway, God showed me that my writing capabilities are dwindling due to my lack of ...well...writing AND listening to Him. So I have made the commitment to write. I am writing to write and I don't know what I'm writing about....except for writing. Are you on the edge of your seat yet? (insert cricket noises here) Well of course you are! All this really is leading up to something I promise. 

Several months ago I woke up in the middle of the night from a horrible dream...for those of you who dream about showing up to work without undies pants...or school without your homework...this was NOT one of those dreams. This was a dream about being left behind. The rapture had taken place, and I was still here...it goes much deeper than this...but what I want to convey to you is the depth of pain with which my soul cried out. I literally went into the hallway and got flat on my face and begged the Lord to speak so that I would know the dream was not real. As tears soaked the fibers underneath my face I realized His peace was covering my soul and I was not deserted. A fire began in me to stop the 'general' pursuit of Bible Study and increasing my 'book smart' knowledge of Him and change to a pursuit of 'everything in action'. I realized that early morning that we REALLY ARE only here for a short time. And we REALLY DON'T know the hour or the day...  

The wheels on our life are beginning to pick up speed and more and more we see there is something bigger going on and we begin to question what is He going to use us for and where are we going... Then I realized I don't want to just read about what other people are doing for the Kingdom, I want to do! Then this other question started nagging at me 'What is the point of what I do now?'. How does my daily work impact the Kingdom? Then the fire of questions caught wind and one of the words blowing through the flames was: 'Write'. So I said: 'okay, I will write, but You realize who your asking to write...right?'  And answering my one question with one word He said 'You'. And with that He has began to answer me with new things...demolishing insecurities...highlighting new needs that require more reliance on Him...interjecting new thoughts and ideas that are so fresh and real. So often I have a tendency to sit and write about Him, instead of to Him. So often I have a tendency to talk about Him, instead of listen to Him. So often, when I hear Him say...'I want to use you...now write' I have a tendency to say 'who am I?' and 'what for?'. Then I realized that my own insecurity was leading me to sin. My overwhelming fear of falling prey to pride and attention was giving way to the enemy to keep me silent and directly disobeying our Father. I have been called to be DOING this whole time...but I was HIDING instead...and for what? 

So today...new thing...I'm obeying and writing. I'm believing God has a lot of things to say and I'm believing I can be used in that. FOR HIS GLORY ONLY. Not my will but thine o Lord that Your name might be proclaimed throughout Heaven and Earth. 

I may not always have insightful things to say...but I want to DO...so I will. That is all I have to say today...well till my daughter gets in the car and tells me about which boy she chased today and then she will get the next earful. 

Go use your gift. He gave it to you for a reason. Make the commitment to take the seat of responsibility He is offering you. The work is hard, the reward is better. 

Love you all,

Sara 

Just thought I'd let you know...

EVIDENTALLY...I'm uncooperative. YEP...you heard it first here! I mean...I'm just as shocked as you are. I always thought I had a pretty good attitude and was pretty um...what's a good word...how about fluid? Yep...pretty fluid in my ability to adapt to my situation and circumstances. 

*Disclaimer - We should stop right here before I go any further and I should tell you this is a totally selfish rant and there really isn't anything inspirational about it. That being said, I can hear my mom saying 'If you don't have anything nice to say...', but she's not really here and that was all in my head, so read on sister!


So this morning I went to a networking meeting that I attend every Thursday. The meeting starts at 7:30 and it seems that it always snows Wednesday night...which makes for a really fun morning. I had a great drive though, I raised the roof of my car in praise and I stopped at Starbucks (of course) for a Venti Refresh Tea, and headed to my meeting. Got there early because a friend of mine who is also in the meeting and the person that I started the group with, was meeting me there early so we could talk about the direction of the group. She wasn't there yet, so I settled into a comfy chair and contemplated the economy and the effects it will have on the lending industry over the next year (will I survive...I say whilst biting my nails and tapping my foot nervously on the floor)...(yes...I will). Anyway, this group is being formed under a networking organization...kinda’ like how a chamber of commerce has leads groups...this organization teaches and forms groups for networking. It has a great business model and a ton of resources, so we thought it would be a good fit for us. One of the people that is in place to help us was going to show up this morning, I had never met her, but was looking forward to the insight she would have.


To make a really long story short, we were the only people there at 7:20 and were discussing the applications people had submitted and getting them to her. I mentioned that my weeks were really crazy and I usually schedule appointments further out, but that next Thursday morning at the meeting I could get her everything she needed since I didn't have it all together. She said she wouldn't be there, I said ok, well my next available appointment would be on Wednesday the 10th and this is the conversation that ensued:


(VERY BIG SIGH FROM SAID MEANY WOMAN) "What do you mean you can't meet me before then?"
Me: "Well, as I mentioned" (in the sweetest non condescending way possible) "I won't really have everyone’s applications till next Thursday"
Meany: "Then" (sigh) "What about Friday?"
Me: "I won't be in the office that day and have my day booked"
Meany: "Well the 10th is 2 weeks away"
Me: "I know and unfortunately, my calendar is pretty crazy right now, but I'm happy to try to meet you when I can and it looks like the first day I can meet you is the 10th"
Meany: EVEN BIGGER SIGH - "I think this is ridiculous"
Me: "Come again?"
Meany: "I think you are very uncooperative"



And there you have it people! Shocking, but true. What I really wanted to say, but I didn't because my 'Be Nice' radar was blaring in my head so loud I couldn’t think, was:

Listen lady, I'm a full time mom, full time wife, full time mortgage broker, I'm on the board of a nonprofit and I lead a woman's Bible study. If you want to know if I'm uncooperative or not, talk to some of those people and then come and talk to me. In the meantime SINCE you don't know me from Adam, I am HAPPY to meet you on Wednesday the 10th. Now what time would work for you?


WHEH! I hit the exclamation key really hard when I just typed that...just so you know.


And that is all I have to say about that. I have a little gremlin pulling at my arm making monkey noises and saying words that sound oddly like 'Mommy you are the best most cooperative mommy I could ever want'...if only I had a translator that could speak 18 month old.


Love ya'll,
Sara

This Weekend

For the last year on the 1st and 15th of every month I have memorized and posted memory versus on Beth Moore's Siesta Memory Verse Challenge.

There were moments where I was really great at doing it...and other moments where I was being a big baby and didn't want to do ANYTHING for ANYONE because I was mad...but that is a different story....and I did catch up so who cares anyway??? SO...this passed weekend about 1/4 of the women that participated went to Houston Texas to indulge in a little Siesta Celebration and hang with the Living Proof team. 

We met at the Houston's First Baptist Church, which by the way is not easy to find...as a matter of fact...not much in Houston is easy to find. I found the Galleria...but even that took me forever to find a way IN TO THE DANG PLACE. Whatever...so we met at the church on Friday night and Saturday morning and received an amazing word from Beth. One of the coolest parts was there were only about 500 women there. I think the smallest event we've ever been to would be in Laramie, WY this past year and there were around 2500 women there. In any case, even with the 500 women that were there, we brought the house down with praise and worship lead by none other than Travis Cottrell. It was truly an amazing time. It is so hard for me to put into words the ideas and thoughts Beth's messages provoke in me. I think one of the things, however, that impacted me most was the thought surrounding how our Father directs our path, that His word is a light unto our feet. That a lot of times we depend on light to illuminate everything for us, but a lamp only gives you the light you need. The light we need is our direction and sometimes it's minute by minute, and sometimes the light shows more, but the good thing about the light is...it always shows up in the dark.

We stayed at the Houston Omni hotel, which was A-mazing! We ate A LOT and read our verses  A LOT. I was sad though that I didn't get to meet as many of the Siesta's as I would have liked. That left with me with some questions about how whether I'm really outgoing or not...but we can save that for a post for a different day. It will include some heading like 'Which personality am I ... today?'

It was a good weekend. It was a sad weekend. I am so blessed to have gotten to go. I'm so blessed to have a husband who realizes the importance of the Word and what it means to have it imprinted on our hearts. I'm grateful I have a mother that instilled that need for the Word in me and was there right beside me this weekend. I'm also grateful for best friends to walk roads with. The ones that you can be real with, laying down every falsity and facade to expose your heart in it's true state. My bff otherwise knows as our ball of energy Joni lost her mom on Saturday...and the events surrounding the time she passed were truly amazing. Not just what was going on in the room when she went home, but the text Joni received before anyone even knew while we were in Houston, her mothers last words days before and the song we were singing when her mom died...God is good people...that is all i can say...He is so good.

Santa

It is time...after way too many years...here goes:

Dear Santa,

I know you must be surprised. I'm surprised too. You would think after you brought me Pretty In Pink Barbie I would have stayed totally loyal to you. All I can say is I'm sorry. Somewhere between 6 and now (eh hem...no age mentioned here) my Frosty got freezer burnt and my Jolly didn't gel. So before you judge me, let me say I still believe.

Now that we have that out of the way, you should know I have a few requests. I have not been too nice this year, but I think you will overlook my not so nice behavior with the knowledge that I had to clean up a LOT of throw up this year...and it wasn't my own. Nough said. First and foremost, I would like to tell you I'm a bit concerned about the whole Socialized Health Care initiative. I know you don't really have too much political clout, but I'm wondering if you could put the same size dentures under the tree of our fellow congressmen with a tag that says 'One Size Fits All' and that might give them an idea of how hard it will be to put a 'one size fit's all' healthcare plan on the American people. I would also like if you would please sprinkle some fairy dust on our Mr. President (the Tooth Fairy has extra if you don't have any left) and get him to give a tax credit to current home owners that already own cars and are married with children and are US Citizens...I think those of us who have paid our bills and are doing what we're supposed to do would like to share in some of this free wealth :) Just a thought.

Okay...on a more personal note, I don't think I have slept in about 7 years. I would ask you to bring fairy dust for that, but a years supply of Ambien would work just fine. I like to have at least one present to unwrap. I would also really like if you could have a discussion with T-Mobile about my voicemail. It seems we are in disagreement about when voicemails are left and when I actually get them. Since you know I'm the type of gal that likes functional gifts and enjoys the practical side of things, I'd like you to install 'Yes Mommy' buttons on both my children. One seems to have the 'Why' button and the other has a 'no no' button installed instead. While the 'no no' can be cute at times since he only knows a few words, I figure we might as well get a head start on him.

Last but not least, and most importantly, you may have noticed a few 'new' things about me...so here is my final request:

my waistline is missing,
some things started saggin,
the gray is a creeping,
my hips...they ain't shrinkin'
the gyms not an option
it's always too hoppin
with girls and their yoga pants
their cute hair...their implants
i'm feeling like Dopey
add Sleepy and Grouchy
Snow White would be a nice twist
or i might start a hit list
this may seem quite forward
but you've always been aboveboard
please Santa, here's my point
a makeover...a new look of some sort
a lift, a tuck, no wrinkles here
you could easily make this quite a year
i'm not asking too much
i'm not afraid to beg
but come christmas morning
i might lose my head
that about sums it up,
i have nothing left to say,
please santa remember me
come Christmas day

Sincerely,
Sara

It's a sad day...

There comes a time in every life where things just don't work like they used to. When they slow down, don't operate like they should, or just plain don't want to go...well...it happened in our house today. Here is what happened.

I woke up this morning to the smell of coffee (which is always a bonus). After having a very sick little girl for the last 4 days and my son now picking up where she left off, I was very ready for the coffee my husband very sweetly made. As I poured my cup (in my favorite cup) I noticed it looked slightly weak (sorry honey) so I proceeded to pour a little in the sink and there it was...brown water. So I dumped it out and started over.

**as a side note...if you know anything about the Skorick gene...we don't drink weak coffee. We drink BLACK coffee...amen.**

As I washed the used coffee grounds out of the basket I noticed some of them ...some of them weren't even grounds at all...some of them were still BEANS!. This made me suspicious, apprehensive and very edgy. I immediately pulled my trusted coffee grinder out of the cabinet and sweetly told it that it was the best coffee grinder ever. It was not of noble birth...there was no Cuisinart label on the side of it, no kitchen aide...it wasn't even a Braun! No...ours was a $10 Mr. Coffee grinder, and we were proud of it. It has lived with us, moved with us, been abused by grinding spices...it has been a GOOD grinder for a lot of years...I would say probably 12. In any case...I plugged it in, poured the beans in, put the cap on, and push.......nothing...no loud obnoxious noise, no murmur, no nothing...to my absolute horror it was silent.

As I stood in my kitchen wondering how in the world I was going to get any coffee now, I wasn't even ready to face the prospect of NOT having coffee today. That is another story for a different day that I might not even tell you...but ANYWAY...suddenly a bright light appeared overhead and a whisper came from the cabinet below. It was a soothing whisper of hope and encouragement. As I opened the cabinet door...there it was...the gift my BF gave me for my birthday and it was shiny and beautiful and just waiting to feel the love. I thought surely...this is it...this could be the ticket...the appliance to go where no other appliance had bean before! So I grabbed it, poured my beans in, and VOILA...in a magic moment (that was really really loud) my beans were obliterated and ready to be boiled! YES! Coffee here we come!

So today I wish to say good bye to my old grinder...see ya!
And I wish to applaud our brand new Magic Bullet! Thank you Mr. Bullet for saving my hinny! You will soon be replaced by someone more equipped to do the job....sorry.
And now I will go drink this...

Coming Up for Air

I should admit to you I have been drowning lately, but only because I wanted to. I'm not sure you would say I was being selfish...more protective. For those of you who know me, you know I don't hide much. I don't subscribe to living a life where we aren't transparent. Every one of us deals with junk. We have secrets we hide, nightmares that scare us, relationships that wound us, moments that make us crazy, pasts that still embarrass us, haunt us, torment us...but what is it worth if we can't share our experiences with the person sitting next to us? I've expressed before the thought our experiences not only define us, but they are worth something more than our need to keep them to ourselves. You never know when you're going to meet the one person experiencing the same thing...thinking they are alone in it...wondering if they will survive it...and if you are a survivor, how amazing to share HOPE with them? I guess that's why I'm always wondering, am I allowing myself to be used as a tool for the Kingdom? Or am I pretending to be perfect with all the right answers and all the pretty solutions? None of us fit that picture perfect ideal. I've met people who think they do...and I don't have nice thoughts about them (just a small confession) I'm not saying we should run out and expose every personal detail about ourselves online or the front page of the newspaper...what I'm saying is, we have to believe God is bigger in our situations, bigger than the shame or hurt they can often produce. The feeling we are alone is a lie and it cheats us of being used if we internalize it and never share the story with another person. That's all I'm saying...well that and the rest of what I'm about to write...

I've been reflecting on the summer and I've decided enough of the storm has passed that I can come up for air. I waited this long because I knew if I started sucking down air too early, I would take all the oxygen left in the world and suffocate you and that would not be nice...see how thoughtful I am even in the midst of suffering? :o)

So the reality is this: the winds of languish have been beating down on my life and instead of taking a stand and fighting (like you might assume I would) I decided to hide. I ran away to clear my head...I didn't even lick my wounds, I just ignored them...and they got bigger. I was angry and rebelling...I was mad about a lot of things...but mostly...I was frustrated with God and in that frustration began to listen to the lies the enemy feeds. Hear me when I say, I KNEW I was under attack and I was too tired to fight, so I just kicked back and ignored the so called "advice you'd give to a friend" the "taste of your own medicine" and sailed through the summer trying not to think.

So somewhere between June and September, a reality began to creep in that this person that writes and lives and loves the Lord was failing miserably at being anything close to what He was calling me to be. Somewhere between June and September I heard His beckoning me home and I willfully turned and walked the other direction. Somewhere between June and September I began to justify the hiding and I bought a lie hook, line and sinker. Somewhere between June and September the substance of who I am became tainted with deceit.......

You know what amazes? How quickly these seasons of sin can come on us. But if we have enough courage to be honest with our situation, who we are in it, more importantly who God is calling us to be, the season can just as quickly leave if we are willing to confess and draw near to our Father. I was so terrifyingly on the edge of walking away from everything I know to be true...it scares me how close I was. Our wounds (in and of themselves) are the biggest culprit in leading us down a pathway of sin. We rationalize and then dupe ourselves into thinking we deserve a break from all of 'this'...and now I'm sitting back looking at the last 'June to September' and I'm saying to myself...REALLY? You really believed that? You really lived that? You really did that? and the only answer I have for myself is: yes.



I'm just now coming up for air...but this journey is just beginning.



Somewhere between June and September my heart started to break and I...defeated, tired, resigned...had enough courage to start praying God would deal with me. That He would work His wonder of passion and infuse me with His will, and not my own. I didn't have to wait long. I had to face some hard things and I'm going to face more. The truth of the matter is, none of us are exempt from sin. This person who has written Bible studies, taught God's word at conferences, yearned to be on the ground of a mission field hugging babies and loving orphans...even this servant can fall into the trap left out by the enemy. I am so humbled and grateful that somewhere between June and September, our Father showed me I'm not the ONE person in the world that is exempt from grace. Praise you Father.


So why am exposing myself? Because for whatever purpose, God is calling me to be real and continue my pursuit to a life of authenticity. I don't have to label each transgression of my life for you...I don't need to glorify the sin, but I need to glorify God's work in my life. He is mighty. His ability to change your circumstances is real. There is nothing fake about this walk. There is nothing weak about admitting we have broken lives. There is nothing fabricated about my heart. I want to be real to you. More importantly, I want God to be real to you, and if He is real in me, maybe you will have hope that even in the midst of your circumstances, He can turn your life around in less than a heartbeat.


God is good. Listen to the whisper, don't walk the other way.

That Smoker Girl

I want to tell you a story. I think some of you may be appalled to know I was a very heavy smoker for a very long time...not all of you would be horrified...just some of you...like those of you who have known me for YEARS...who attended church where my father preached and watched a few years of my growing up and can not believe that I...Sara...This Girl...would be the Smoker Girl. But I was. And I want to tell you this story, but if it's going to cause you angst or grief then I suggest you get into a calm state. Go watch Kung Foo Panda and rest in the words of Oogway as he guides Jack Black into the challenge ahead...then come back :0)

Okay...so several years ago (can I say several when it's only been 4?) I was spending plenty of time working through the church women's ministry doing women's ministry things. I was very active, very involved and always looking for the betterment of the women at our church. As a leadership team we decided it would be great to take our 'girls' to see Beth Moore in Kansas City, MO. We started the arduous work of planning a trip...you know...who was going to go in who's car, etc. Being the awesome leadership team that we were, my bff and I thought how cool this trip was going to be for all these ladies. THEY were so in need of a word and we just knew if anyone could deliver a good word, it was Beth. So off we went. We arrived at the conference where we were in back of some 15k women in line to get in to the arena...yes 15,000 and eagerly waited in line with 7 other women...3 of who were very preggo. We sat in the nose bleed section, had a great worship time and eagerly awaited Beth to take center stage. What happened next was a story in and of itself...but let me tell you this: God took center stage, I was (and my bff was) cowering in my seat at the top of the arena attempting to survive and not get killed right then and there. We drove home Sunday afternoon and I wept begging God not to make me go home. He was starting to break me. He was sending me big vibes that He was serious and it was time for me to start listening. I knew He was getting ready to do a mighty work, and this smoker girl was not sure what that looked like, but I knew it wasn't going to be a fun ride at Six Flags.

In our piousness...the bff and I decided it was time to have a fast. We knew she was being called to something bigger in ministry and I was being called to something...AND our husbands were really struggling...and since we were being called to something and they were struggling...we had to help them along....so...we began the plan to fast. The weekend had whipped us and we were going to be ready...and so were our husbands...when He called us to 'Crossing Our River of Fear' (this was the message for the weekend). So we scheduled time, made sure it was going to be productive, got our scriptures ready and equipped ourselves for a very successful 24 hour fast. The women's ministry girl that I was took center stage and quietly and humbly, I must say, told the bff that the Smoker Girl would not get a cigarette during that 24 hours. Understanding the rules about the fast and knowing how much I was grieving God I was sure that I could abstain from smoking for 24 hours. YES...it would be a hard road...but I could do it.

Let me once again interject here because I know some of you are thinking you know where I'm going with this...and no this is not a message about how you can't smoke and be in ministry...I promise...but if you are getting apprehensive and exasperated please refer to the first paragraph again (scadoosh)

Okay...back to the story. So my awesome mom and I were hangin out and I asked her one day about 2 weeks before the BIG fast if she thought a 24 hour fast was worth it. I had been feeling pressed to do a longer fast, but wasn't sure. So she answered that unless I was going to be completely alone and have time to focus, that a 24 fast would not be AS affective. Now keep in mind here...I was fasting for my husband...and I knew God could do something big if I would give it the time...BUT I had to consult my bff first. Later that evening I got a call from her and without knowing the whole conversation I had had with my mom she announced she really felt led to a longer fast. I told her about my conversation with mom and we laughed...how cool...God was really working...speaking to us...this was really really going to help our husbands. So SEVEN DAYS it was...count um! SEVEN DAYS TO FAST.

November 1st 2005 rolled around. Today was the first day of the fast. I was on fire, reading my scriptures, drinking only water, surrounding myself with worship music...I was doing well.

November 2nd 2005 rolled into view. That morning in the shower I was washing my hair when it dawned on me...the quiet humble promise I had made...and the ministry girl was gone and smoker girl was CENTER stage. I couldn't believe it. I had been TRICKED! Here I was, humble, doing everything I was supposed to be doing in this fast and it was all for the advancement of the Kingdom, the enrichment of the ministry, and most importantly the growth of my husband...this was NOT about ME! I was appalled, angry, bewildered...I stood in my kitchen hours later still struggling with the task at hand and raised my hands to heaven and yelled 'THIS IS NOT FUNNY....YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME HAVE MY LAST CIGARETTE'...for those of you who smoked at one point in time...you know how important the LAST cigarette is...don't pretend like you don't....I just knew He was laughing. It was a joke...He outwitted me once again!

The seriousness of this? For years I had been fighting. I didn't want to smoke. Smoker Girl liked it...don't get me wrong...Smoker Girl like it a LOT...but me...Sara...hated it. I woke up every morning and fought the urge to get out the door to the patio where that demon smoke awaited me. I would hit snooze on my alarm...just to push myself to where I had only just enough time to get out the door...I would sit with my cup of coffee and beg God to take away the addiction...and I would list all the ways I didn't want Him to take it away. Things like: please don't let me have cancer, please don't let me blow up my car while I'm smoking and driving and kill me while you kill the addiction, please don't take it away like 'this' and please don't take it away like 'that'. I was desperate to be done...but I had no strength to do it on my own. It got in the way of just about everything and I hated it. I began to work through the week with one verse in had that I said over and over...because now it wasn't about fasting for my husband, now it wasn't about figuring out my future...where God wanted me...now it was all about making it through the next urge to pick up a pack because I had made a promise I would not smoke while I was fasting...never in my wildest dreams thinking I would commit to not smoking for more than 24 hours...but here I was. 1 Corinthians 6:12 became the verse I would say over and over and over: Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything.

It has been almost 4 years. I'm terrified to touch another cigarette...I think about it...Smoker Girl comes around here and there and she makes life hard (she has other issues that have nothing to do with smoking) but God did a big work in me. He took something away I asked Him to take away. I will not go back. That is a river of fear that should be feared...and not crossed.

I tell you all this so that you will know and see the power of His healing hand. It hurts sometimes to be healed of addiction. He breaks us, bends us, molds us...heals us. There are much worse addictions out there. Our world is seeped in sinful enslavement of the quick fix. Whether it's alcohol, viccodin, heroin, smoking, pornography...it's so readily available. So easy to come by...and it's the demon that waits for us every day....but we are under the Mighty Hand of a God who cares about our addictions. He wants us to be freed up from the slavery and bondage that this world holds over us. We are set apart.

If you are struggling...know that God is bigger...know that He is able...and the next time someone tells you that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle...think about this: If He didn't give you things you couldn't handle...when would you ever turn back to Him for help?

Be specific in your prayer. Give Him your best request, define it, make it specific...and then don't be surprised when you feel like you need to fast....

My Name is Sara Pipkin...

What was the point of Christ being sacrificed on the cross for our sins if none of us can admit we are sinners? (I just had Emeril yell BAM in the background of my mind)

Don't we all just get tired of living, breathing, walking...talking...convincing...pretending.

I have been on a very deep journey lately and tonight I'm weary. I'm grateful for grace, but it's pointless if I can't say this:

My name is Sara Pipkin and I'm a sinner.

If in the end if ALL I have is a voice to say the above statement and nothing left but the grace of our Father and the miracle of His forgiveness...then I have all I need.

Grace & Trust

There are times when we stand still in our lives and take inventory. We start to really look at who we have become, what we have done, what we haven't done...we don't marginalize anything...we just look at the truth of the matter that has become our life. We stand in a gaping hole and wonder 'what in the world got me here?' We find ourselves lost and sometimes...in the worst of circumstances...not wanting to be found.

There is a point in life where we are supposed to grow up. We have to put aside the old and move forward with the new. We have to hang up our hang-ups, accept grace, and move onto the path God is forging for us. We have to realize that while it is important to speak truth to others as He leads us...it is even more imperative we speak truth to ourselves.

I think the thing that startles us most is when we are certain we have it all figured out, and then a wrench gets tossed into the plans, into our know it all, pumped up, self absorbed lives, and it throws us totally off track. We find ourselves, arms flailing, trying to find the light switch, while the world around us just grows darker and darker. We cry out to Yahweh in anger and beg Him to explain why and how we ended up in these dire straights. We overwhelm ourselves with ourselves and before we know it, the path is obscured, our life as we know it is over and all we have left is a very faint connection with the Creator and static on the line.

Then a miracle begins to happen if we hold still. As we wait for a better connection and listen, He begins to sing over us. He whispers words of truth and begins to fill the darkness of our heart with light. He gently sweeps away the brush to reveal the path and reminds us the road might be hard...but at least the path is open...and there grace abounds. For it is by grace He saves us (Eph 2:8) and lifts us out of the ashes (Ps 113:7) all the while promising His purpose beyond the pain is worthwhile and very necessary (2 Cor 5:4-6).

At some point in time we have to stand up and TRUST that His grace is sufficient, that He has a plan AND if He could handle creating the Universe, the food we eat, the water we drink and the ground we stand on, handling our future is NOT the one insurmountable task He can't accomplish.

I believe in the plan God has for me. I believe He will bring it to completion the easy way or the hard way (my way) and that what He has planned for me will be the best plan. I don't know what it looks like, but I'm holding on for the ride and hopefully I'll be able to let go and do it His way...not my way.

Seven Pounds

Seven Pounds – Not for the faint of heart (no pun intended) – don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie and are going to…

I just finished watching Seven Pounds. As is customary for me, I figured the plot out in about 15 minutes. That usually annoys me, however in this case I think it was good for me to know what was to come. This is a hard movie to watch. I had heard mixed reviews on it, but wanted still to see it for myself.

I’m trying to press the feelings out of me this movie has conjured up. It’s like that scene in Harry Potter where he has to find the right key to open the door and there are tons of them floating in the room and he’s looking and looking but so overwhelmed by all the keys at once. That is how I feel. So many emotions, but I can’t grab the right one to explain.

This is a heavy plot, this is a plot laced with hopelessness and sadness and you feel it from the get go. This is a plot I believe many of us in so many ways can relate to because it is a story about the quest for redemption. If you have ever been as messed up and lost as I have been then you can relate to the unmanageable desire to really feel forgiven, redeemed…free. I think in so many ways, even though we know we have grace, the reality is most of us have to beg to feel it over and over. Our humanness picks up our past sins and time and time again we try with all our might to obliterate it from cognizance, but as hard as we try, the mess is still committed to memory. Along with the mess, the emotion of it can cast a shadow over you as if you were experiencing the offense all over again. So we pick it up…and set out to break free from it. We try with all our might to gain some control over it, always aware we can never really forgive ourselves. So what is the point?

There are times when I feel so defeated by my past sins that it gets me running again, seeking breathlessly for deliverance. But all in all I know redemption is not mine to give…and never to be earned. What bothers me about this movie is Will’s hopeless end. He pieces out himself to either save other peoples lives, or make them better and in the end he’s dead. He has no idea if what he did was helpful, or even to be around to feel the redemption. So is it that we need to feel it or that we need to punish ourselves for passed crimes? My point is there is no longer any sacrifice for sin (Heb 10:18) so why are we constantly trying to redeem ourselves. Will Smith has suffered major tragedy and has set out to make it right, to redeem himself, to fix it. The problem is no matter how hard we try to fix things by earning our redemption we won’t succeed. Micah 7:18 says ‘Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.’

There is only one way to gain redemption. There is only one way to receive grace. There is only one way to truly recognize forgiveness and that is at the foot of the cross. We might live our entire lives returning to His feet begging for him to take the feelings of hopelessness away, but the fact is we are returning. It’s when we stop seeking His face to save us that we fall short. Smith never realizes the redemption in this movie for by the end, he’s not around to even know it…what redemption is there in that?

What I know is this: There is suffering. There is suffering in Christ, but there is hope in Christ, and best of all…there IS redemption.

The Adequacy of My Inadequacy

A couple weeks the bug had climbed into the crib with biscuits and was pretending the monitor was a phone…a phone to which I was on the other end of, but she didn’t know it. As is normal for her, she started preaching. What can I say? It's in her blood. So I grabbed my blackberry and started recording and I laughed and laughed. At one point she started saying this ‘Okay, well I have to go now and be with my brother so I love you…love Hallie and Asher … heart heart heart – just like she was making me a picture, she was verbalizing what she would put down – and then she said H A L L I E and A A A SHH … A A A SHHH RRRR heart heart heart” I was rolling!

I didn’t want her to know I had recorded her so later that night when she was getting ready for bed I put the headphones in and handed my husband the phone and he proceeded to listen as I busied myself around our room. I thought it was really odd that he wasn’t laughing because her little talk was full of humor! So I smiled at him, he smiled at me and I put some more laundry away and kept my eye on him. ‘Why isn’t he laughing? Maybe I thought it was funny…but it really wasn't funny because he just had this ‘I’m floating into outer space’ look and THEN I started REALLY thinking and analyzing… there were two voice notes on my phone: one of Hallie and one of me. One of me driving with the kids asleep recording my thoughts and what I thought I needed to remember and what I believed God was telling me…TWO voice notes…one funny…one me…and one hubby not laughing…

Doesn’t take much to figure that one out does it?

I grabbed the phone and said ‘wait a second…what are you listening to?’

And he said ‘You’…

UGH…

To which I responded… ‘well that is not what I wanted you to listen to’ and I switched the recording handed him the phone moved away as fast as I could. My face flaming red guessing all the horrible things he must be thinking of me. How lame I sounded, how silly.

A little while later this is the conversation we had:

“So, is that a recording of what you are speaking on?”

I say “UM…well…sort of…I just needed to get my thoughts out”

"Can I make a suggestion?” He asks

And this is me blank stare and finally: ‘Um, ok…sure’

"You need to stop saying Um so much”.

To which I responded: “Well…you know…I was just trying to put my thoughts out there and work through them” (I WAS MORTIFIED!) "Besides, I'm not a professional speaker so it's a little hard fro me not to just speak how I speak and be who I am."

"I know, it is just a suggestion, when you are practicing, just be aware of it." Then he asks "What are you speaking on again?"

"Being inadequate!"

Which is completely true. I have had a LOT of time to think about how inadequate I am. I have come up with a lot of reasons why I shouldn’t be writing OR be speaking, but for some reason I still am. So in this journey of searching for some inadequate people in the Bible I decided I was going to stay away from the immediate one that popped into my mind…#1 was David – I thought I could share the story of David and Goliath and then…eh…nah…so then I told God one morning “I am so inadequate I can’t even come up with something to say about being inadequate” and He said a few things to me: #1 was you can get up in a room full of women and speak about lactating (this is just something I have become very familiar with…and not because I do it well...and not something I will go into here, however I actually spoke to a room full of women about why I don’t do it well…go figure), anyway He says “you can speak to a room full of women about lactating, but you can’t take 15 minutes to talk to your sisters in Christ about me…what is that about?” To which I thought ‘this could end up badly if I don’t pull it together’. So we talked that morning a lot about the things I personally am inadequate with. I laid my insecurities at His feet and almost like a spoiled child pointed at them and said "Look! Why in the world would you have me air all this to these sweet women?" but that was not what He was going to have me put down on paper to communicate to you about. You see there are times when I believe He lets us fall flat on our face to help us learn. I think we are stubborn a lot of the time and we need to be tripped up a little, but I also believe that He does not shame us. This whole thing...is not about me, this is not about MY inadequacy…this is about Him. This right here is about His adequacy…so He is going to teach this segment…not me.

Lets have a history lesson:

During the time of Christ (and this is still practiced today) Children began their study at age 4-5 in Beth Sefer (elementary school). The teaching focused primarily on the Torah. For those of you who aren't familiar, the Torah is first 5 books of the Bible. During this time, the children would learn to read and write, and their study guide was the Torah. Not only was reading and writing part of their education, memorization was huge and most students had the Torah memorized by the time they finished this level of education.

The best students continued their study (while learning a trade) in Beth Midrash (secondary school) also taught by a rabbi of the community. They continued their education by beginning to learn the interpretations of the Oral Torah. Memorization continued to be important because most people did not have their own copy of the Scripture so they either had to know it by heart or go to the synagogue to consult the village scroll. A few (very few) of the most outstanding Beth Midrash students began interview processes to study with a famous rabbi often leaving home to travel with him. These students were called talmidim in Hebrew, which is translated disciple. Traditionally, the student would apply, go thru a grueling interview process and then if they were lucky 2 or 3 would be asked to follow the Rabbi. There is much more to a talmid than what we call student. A student wants to know what the teacher knows for the grade, to complete the class or the degree or even out of respect for the teacher. A talmid wants to be like the teacher, that is to become what the teacher is. The student would follow the rabbi to a degree that we would probably view as a definite violation of personal space. The goal was for the student to become the master. From the way the Rabbi walked, to hand gestures, to the way he ate...the student was set on becoming exactly...not just...exactly like his teacher. If at the end of the interview process the student was not chosen, the Rabbi would essentially tell that student, you know you are great, go home, get a wife, make babies and work your family business.

Visualize this with me: Here we have two young men who are working the family trade. Two young men who worked as hard as they could, they memorized and labored over their study to become smart enough and worthy enough for a rabbi to accept them into his talmidim. Two young men who have been turned away. Two young men who have failed to accomplish what every father hoped for their son to become. Its hot and they are both quiet, still reflecting on the 'what could have been'. There is not a lot to catch today. The inadequacy of not being chosen hangs like a cloud over Peter's head as he recounts the way he was turned away, and now here is again...a failure...he can't even catch any fish. From the distance a noise shakes him out of his solemn trance. As the crowd comes closer he sees the man everyone has been talking about. A Rabbi of a different kind. People were saying all sorts of things about him. He was one of the smartest seen out of the walls of Galilee and he was challenging the very foundation of what Peter had been taught. Oh he had heard alright, and now he was here to add the icing on the cake of his day. Is He coming closer to the shore? He's talking to me! What is he saying:

"Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch." Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets." When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!" For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men." So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him." (Luke 5:4-11)

Point # 1 is this: As inadequate as we are, Christ is seeking us to join his Telmidim. There is no interview process, there is no proving you are worthy, there is just a call: Come, follow me. Can you imagine the heart of Peter's dad the day his son does not return home. Word reaches him and he finds out his son has been chosen. What? Chosen? Finally!? How can it be? But he wasn't good enough right?

Are you feeling inadequate?

So here you are in ministry. I have to tell you I never thought I would be here. I’ve had plans all along for my life that God keeps interrupting with His own and I you have to know something: I am so grateful His plans take precedence. I don’t believe if I knew exactly what I was doing all the time, if I was an expert on everything, God would be able to use me much. So if you blunder all over the place like I do, take heart, God is the thing that completes us. This is where we have the Jerry McGuire moment and instead of hearing Tom Cruise say ‘You complete me’ God is saying ‘I complete you’ and I have to believe that sends goose bumps down your spine. To know the Creator of the Universe has something going on in you. He gets we don’t have it all together, He understands we are completely inadequate and He knows it’s in our inadequacy He does his best work. Out of something these men weren’t able to accomplish in getting accepted to telmadin, Christ bore something bigger and called them disciple.

My 2nd point today is don’t get caught in the whining. It is a privilege for me to serve you and I’m sure our Passionate Heart team can tell you I whine about being too inadequate to speak. I keep saying, I think I’m too young…who would want to listen to me? This is where God’s sense of humor get’s good. I got up one morning and I was telling Him, you know you let Moses use Aaron…why can’t I have an Aaron…to which God replied ‘you should familiarize yourself with that story a little more’. So I sat down at about 5:30 and started reading the story of Moses and I could not believe how much the man whined…He didn’t want to go meet Pharaoh, he was always worried about what the people would say back to him and what he would say…and then there it was…plain as day ‘24 At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met {Moses} and was about to kill him.' EEEK! Now there was a reason behind this, but really what I believe is God had had enough. NOW…don’t get me wrong I’m not saying if you start to whine about where He calls you that He’s going to show up to kill you…but I do believe that our whining gets in the way of doing. If we believe we are here for His purpose and we fill our time up with constant inward reflection about what we are being called to do, we will quickly become selfish and there is no place for God to work in that.

1 Corinthians 2:2 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. 4My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, 5so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

Jesus is still calling his Telmudine…and just like the first disciples, we are inadequately qualified. We will never be able to measure up to the standards of perfection and what an amazing gift that is that we have a God that loves us enough to use us right where we are at and still calls us to be a part of something bigger.

A Hallie Conversation

I should keep better track of these! This is from this morning.

I woke Hallie up bright and early this Saturday morning as I had signed her up for a 'Drama Boot Camp' hosted by the Front Range Christian Middle School kiddos. I sat down on her bed, shut her fan off and as she rolled over I said "are you ready for boot camp?". To which she excitedly jumped out of bed and grabbed the clothes I had put out for her.

"Hallie, get those on and brush your teeth when you are done."
"Mom, can I come in your room if I need help?"
"Of course you can baby" I said and hastily moved to my own room to get ready to leave. It was already 7:20 and we had to get on the road.

Hallie snuck in to my room and as I buttoned her jeans I reminded her she needed shoes. She considered this for a few moments then said "Mom, can I wear my black boots?" I thought about it, but since they have a little heal on them I though they may be dangerous for her to be running around in and said "I think you need to find your tennies and get those on."

She looked at the floor for a few minutes and then whispered (as Biscuits and The Man were still sleeping) "But don't I need boots?"
"What?"
"Don't I need boots?" she said "since it's a boot camp" I laughed and smiled at her and explained it's not that kind of boot camp.

The she asked "Well what are we going to do?"
"I think you are going to learn some songs, dress up and you may even learn a dance or two"
"A cowboy dance?!" she exclaimed excitedly
"Well" I said carefully trying my darnedest not to laugh "Maybe...yea maybe"
"That would be so cool mom, a cowboy dance just like they do in Highlands Ranch" and off she ran to brush her teeth.

I love her...she is so Innocent, all over the place and mine. Doesn't get much better.


PS: Highlands Ranch is a suburb of Denver just South and West of us.


PSS:
Tonight was the surprise party for my best friend Joni. What a flippin blast. She had no clue and I had her convinced I was so sick I couldn't come to her birthday dinner. Here is a picture of her cake:

The girl (Joni) is trying to get back over the hill to her youth...ain't gonna happen sister :)