Calling all moms!

I joke a LOT about selling Biscuits or giving him away...but I never would. I'm sure you're wondering if I'm really selling biscuits...are they flaky? homemade? buttermilk? pillsbury...and is there boysenberry jam with them...OR you're wondering if it's a nickname for my adorably stubborn 2 year old. The answer is: I can always make you some biscuits if you'd like, yes homemade and of COURSE buttermilk, but right now I'm talking about my son and no I don't have boysenberry jam but I DO have grape jelly...

So here's the deal. He's 2. TWO, DOS, d - e - u - c - e ... do you read me? He will soon be 3...I just shuddered a little. I know two is a walk in the park compared to three...what we don't know is how bad it's going to be with him...and if TWO is any indication...one of us may not make it through the next year.  So I need advice. I'm wondering if any of you have a kid like this and how you've managed to deal with it. Obviously what I'm doing isn't working. Let me painfully describe my morning to you and it might give you some insight on his royal twoness: 7am, open his door so he wakes up on his own...rudely rousing him in his habitat and scaring him awake causes an overabundance of statements like: 'I DON'T WANT YOU MOM' and 'I WANT TO STAY IN MY BED' and 'I DON'T WANT YOU MOM'...oh...I already said that...in any case I have to be careful and let him wake up on his own. We move downstairs from his room, when he's ready of course, and roll out the inevitable question which will ruin the rest of his day: What do you want for breakfast? 
Then this is the conversation that happened recently:

B: Can I have cookies?
M: No, we need to find something other than cookies for breakfast
B: Okay, well can I have cheese?
(thinking we had made some headway with his meltdowns, I was pleased at my accomplishment and said)
M: Well sure, you can have some cheese
B: OKAY! (takes cheese - insert personality change here as he walks into the living room)
B: I don't want you cheese!!! (slams cheese on the coffee table as if lactose intolerance in this country has to be conquered) 
M: Okay...then you don't get the cheese (throw cheese in trash)
M: I'm sorry Biscuits, you should have thought about that first
M: Please sit in timeout

Now...as you can imagine...that didn't work. We just went downhill from there. So here is what I need help with...

How do you change the root of a child's behavior? When he says he wants something, no he doesn't, yes he does... I've already tried one chance and you're done...it's not working..so what now?  Do I take all his choices away and not give him a choice and then when he doesn't take what I give him, do I not give him anything? Do I let him make the choice and then when he decides 10 seconds later that he's changed his mind, take whatever it is he's chosen away? 

Maybe the root of the problem is his nickname is Biscuits...I'm not sure...

What I am sure of is, he's stubborn, he can yell really loud, and he's also the sweetest boy I've ever known...

Let me know if you any advice...or make me an offer for the kid...I'll entertain either...

Love you all



Love in Ambivalent Times Part 1

I'm watching some tough stuff go down these days. Marriages around us are crumbling... The enemy is knocking at the door of families and someone is letting him in...

I'm a firm believer in the contrasts between a man and a woman. I've often said the man is the head of the house, and the woman the heart. In order though...for the head to work...the heart has to pump...so don't stop the heart. From ancient Greece to ancient Rome, women were viewed as possessions. Christ was probably seen as so ridiculously radical in that He had a female following. As time moved forward, the voice of women grew louder...and rightfully so. Women had a right to take their place as human beings in the world with equal privileges to men. The ability to be educated, the right to vote, equal pay...all those things were important. HOWEVER...somewhere we've crossed the line. We've taken our plight possibly too far. I turn the TV on today and there is a commercial on about every 5 minutes dumbing down the man. Sitcoms parade stupid fathers across our screen and we glorify the single mother, but we rarely praise the single father when it's the mother who walked away from her children. We've challenged the simple gift a man can bring to the table...by just being a man. The result? Men are tired and walking away.

We've created a mess...but at the very beginning...at the root of our relationships...exists this little lie we've termed 'love'. Eye's lock for a moment, a brief exchange of words takes place, chemistry ignites and VIOLA it's love. Seven years down the road you wake up one morning and you make no eye contact with the other, a brief exchange of words takes place, anger ignites...and you leave for work...only to pick up your evening where you left off that morning....and viola...divorce looms in the air. As little girls we read stories of our night in shining armor coming to rescue us on a white horse. No where in that story do we find the princess fighting for equal pay and rights...she just wants to be rescued and then go have babies. We've learned that love is something that invokes an emotion and a feeling. It's the butterflies you feel when your lips first touch... When you're a little girl no one tells you that feeling goes away. No one tells you the real story is, you wake up in the morning, look at your spouse and CHOOSE to love them, because that is what is RIGHT. No one tells you someday, God is going to come knocking to give in to the answer of your prayer: Lord just make him a better man...Lord just do what only you can do... And when He comes to take His place in your home, you don't get to throw the right of women in His face...but you have to sit at His feet...listen...and oh...here's the word you hate...be OBEDIENT.  Yep, all of a sudden...love is all about making a choice to stay, and it has nothing, nothing, nothing to do with the butterflies you lost so long ago. Wake up, keep praying, and move out of the way...God is going to do some work...on BOTH of you.

I could go on all night, but I need to get to what is really nagging at me. I have friends (as I've mentioned before) who's husbands are throwing their hands up and walking away. I've heard things like: 'He said he just doesn't feel any love for me.' & 'He isn't willing to give it all up to have us' & 'I know he loves his kids...but I know he doesn't love me'. IT   IS   MAKING   ME  CRAZY!

Men, PLEASE listen up...I can't imagine how hard it is to stand in the face of an angry woman and say "I'm not leaving and I want to make this work". It must be horribly difficult to choose to walk into a room where your wife is standing KNOWING she doesn't really want to have anything to do with you...but seriously...God created you with the skills to buck up and put your boxing gloves on when it comes to a battle! Men! We need you to fight for us. We need you to show our children what it looks like to have a redeemed marriage where two people are in love because they chose to stay and work it out. I'm not just saying this because it seems right...and it is...but because I've been on the wife side of this and my husband...(poor guy) has been on the receiving end of a lot of my anger. He didn't give up. He pursued me, learned to listen to me, took time to get to know me again, and realized that sometimes you have to be willing to lose everything you thought that mattered...to hold on to a family that matters most. LOVE IS A CHOICE! Love is about being obedient to Christs call on your life as a man. He didn't create you to only be a monetary provider. He created you to be a provider...period.  I am begging you...don't let satan win the battle over our families. If you're here, if your standing on the edge of walking away or staying, or if you're trying and you just don't know how to reach her...here are some things that worked for us:

1. Fasting - power packed prayer to redeem your marriage. There are plenty of articles online about fasting and how to prepare for it. I'd dive in today!
2. Listen - I know you want to fix everything, but listen and then say something like this: 'I can't imagine how frustrating that must be. Maybe we can figure something out together to make this easier. Would that help you?' If she says no, then that means she just needs to vent...if she stares at you with a blank face...it probably means she 'see's' that you 'hear' her.
3. Take her out on a date and ask her questions like it's your first date. You'll be surprised how much she's changed...
4. Flowers
5. Tell her all the time she's the only girl for you...she needs to know this...

That sums it up for now. Don't give up. If you have...make the choice to stay. DECIDE to love. Be apart of the statistics of the ones who made it! Go to war! Fight for it! Give it all you've got!

Ladies...I have a word for you...but it's going to come in part 2 of this lovely post. In the meantime..you can post your hate mail right here. I look forward to your comments.

As always,

Love you much,