in mourning...

I'm not going to lie...I'm depressed...I'm in mourning...I'm trying to figure out how in the world this happened...but it did. I blinked, and it was over. Now in two days (COUNT THEM...1, 2) Summer is over. How is this possible? I'm certain I missed something. I was sure we had more warm weather left in us...but if this morning is any indication...not so much. The pools are closed, the flipflops tucked under the shoe shelf...the sweaters have come down and the shorts have moved up...(sob...) So in my protest...I went yesterday...and I tanned...you say 'oh no you didn't' and I say 'oh yes I most certainly did'. So THERE. I figure I might as well look tan in my sweaters until I can accept the loss...by then it will be next Summer so I think it's a good plan. 

Glad I got that off my chest. So here is our world right now. The man is hunting for 9 days...not sure how that happened, but it did and I'm working on acceptance of him being gone that long and leaving me with these other two house mates...they have proven to be relentless this week. I never realized how much the bug talks till I was the only adult at home for her to talk to. I'm constantly plagued with this question from her: 'so mom...can I talk to you' and I of course say: 'ummm....no' and then she talks my ear off for the next hour. THEEENNN we take a 5 minute break and this goes on and on. This is why the gym comes in so handy. I can drop them off at kids club and work out for 1 1/2 hours without anyone interrupting me to talk to me. This is nice. 

The boy is just as wild as ever...and even more so. As you can see I did not manage to give him away...this turned out to be a good thing since I've decided he is great entertainment to have around...he makes us laugh. 

On a personal note my back and hips are still a wreck...but oh well. I have managed to go one whole year without any steroids. This has proved to be wonderful for the fitting of the jeans...that and the working out and newly found wheat allergy...I have embarked on a new frontier...36 and pre wedding weight... A-MAZING. Really who cares but me? 

So that about sums up our life. The world is still in motion...obviously spinning out of control and hiding in some obscure shadow away from the Sun...

If you need me and can't find me ... it's probably because I'm on a beach somewhere where it's Summer. 

Love you all..




I'm behind on posting to you about Ruth. I'm so sorry, but I promise to get the last few weeks posted soon. The last 2 weeks have been filled with illness in our house and unexpected disruptions. I...have been interrupted...a LOT.

I have been interrupted by vomit, phone calls, the constant call of 'MOMMY', work, dishes, phone calls, potty training accidents, doggy (who should be trained) accidents, vacuuming, dusting, best friend having unexpected surgery, more phone calls, more MOMMY calls and fear, fear, fear....f  e  a  r .  

Fear has interrupted my life...and I'm not all too happy about it. 

I have a natural fear of losing one of my kids...I think it's totally normal for a mommy to have some level of fear over her children. I might say mine is heightened a little after losing Isaac, but it's fear all the same. A week ago tomorrow I was looking smack dab in the eyes of men on the Jefferson County SWAT team called in to look for a gunman at the pool the kids and I were hanging out at. A man...with a gun...was close....close enough that I was standing in disbelief while the crowd around me accounted for the children that belonged to them....while a guy with a fully loaded automatic weapon took notes... fear....

I'll spare you the details. The event still seems so random and surreal....but real enough that it has conjured up ridiculous emotions in me. I have come to the realization that even though there are over 300 versus in the Bible pertaining to fear...that just doesn't make me feel better. Here's the reality (which inevitably brings up a question some of you will ask), bad things happen. And the question (drum roll please) 'Why does God let bad things happen to good people'. My answer? God doesn't label each one of our lives with stickers and timelines of what bad things will happen to us on a particular given day. Actually...I believe it grieves Him deeply to watch us suffer. I don't believe He's sitting in the sky with a magic wand pointing at us saying hocus pocus spells to make something bad happen... we live in a fallen world where we have been given free will and where free will allows people to make bad choices. We live in a world where people who make bad choices cause people like me to have bouts of insane fear that I have to work through. We live in a world where the actions of one person can cause thousands upon thousands of people to tremble... Where the actions of one man can cause a child who doesn't deserve to live in fear draw deeper and drink from the well of anxiety and distress.

I think my next post might be titled 'anger' since now I'm just ticked several of my days have been severely interrupted by one man holding a gun...

That's my rant for now. In all reality I feel much better and it's not just because I used the word 'vomit' in this post...however that does make me giggle a little...

I will return with a post on Ruth soon...I promise...and I still owe you women a good whoopin' in a post on marriage.

Love you all,



Ruth - Part 2

Hey you fabulous women! 

Are you ready for round 2? Don't get overwhelmed by the discussion questions. As I mentioned last night we did not have time for all of them. So pick a few and comment on them. We would love to hear from you. 

We are going to take some time to focus on Naomi today and we’re going to dive headlong into a subject we all LOVE ‘willful sin’.  Our story starts out with the worldly example of what to do when famine strikes…Run to the other side of the fence. The opening act is Naomi and her husband traveling away from Judah to find food in Moab.

Now I get men and their need to provide. I’m guessing Elimelech was desperate to feed his family and like all the other Israelites in the time of Judges, he took the situation into his own hands.   Instead of waiting and having faith that God would reward them for covenant faithfulness towards Him, they adjusted their surroundings to fit their needs. Don’t forget that God used famine throughout this word to get the attention of His people.

We love to take matters into our own hands don’t we?  How have you done that in your life? When God just doesn’t come through for you? I’ve been there. BIG TIME.  A few years ago I had just had it. I had prayed for years over a particular situation…when I mean years I mean SEVERAL and I mean on my face weeping…and God did not come through for me on what I thought would be appropriate timing. So when He finally began to show me He was going to answer my prayer…He had the audacity to answer it HIS way….I mean…I had waited for years and not only did He not respect my time frame…He didn’t even do it the way I asked him. I was fit to be tied.  So I…not liking the direction we were going…decided to dig my own path out of the situation and before I knew it I had dug a hole. I was in a self inflicted famine…I was diving into willful sin. So I see Elimelech and Naomi living in Judah and surrounded by people who do what they want. So why not jump on over to Moab where they know there is plenty already...NEVERMIND that this is a group of people that God has specifically told them not to intermarry with…they had 2 boys…what did they think was going to happen?  I think the funny thing about this story and in all our stories is…wherever you go, there you are…and no matter how far away you run…God still knows just where to find you.  I think that fact about Him is great when we need Him. But when we’re lost on purpose, it gets a little under your skin.  You just want to yell…”hey…can I get some privacy for one minute? “

So Naomi has left a famine in Judah only to find herself in the famine of her life.  I want to ask you, are you in a self inflicted famine in your life? And if you answered yes, how are you dealing with it?

I have a theory about Naomi…I’m guessing it’s not going to be a popular one.  I think Naomi was a little on the selfish side. I think she wanted Ruth and Orpah to leave.  I mean desperately she wanted them to leave. I have an inkling it wasn’t as much about their well being as we’d like to think.  I can just see her leading the way back to Judah with both women in tow thinking…’Well now it’s REALLY a mess! First we leave to find food, then everyone around me dies, and now I’m saddled with these two girls that are Moabite and if I take them home who KNOWS what kind of scrutiny I’ll go under’.  Naomi has a dilemma.
1.    Point #1 The only place to find your way out of a mess is succumbing to obedience to God.
This is not the popular route to go. I can’t imagine there are too many people who find themselves in the midst of a mountain of lies who are just so excited to lay it out on the line and let the world know they have been a fraud to the people around them. Or, sometimes we’re waiting on God to change our circumstances and when He doesn’t we do what we can to change it ourselves. Sometimes in the famine of our life we are so desperate for God to create a ‘better’ out for us than what He’s already given us. Or when He say’s WAIT…it’s just too hard. So that is what I think Naomi was trying to do. 
Ruth 1:7 With her two daughters-in-law she left the place where she had been living and set out on the road that would take them back to the land of Judah. Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the Lord show kindness to you as you have shown to your dead and to me”  and Ruth and Orpah weep and I bet at that moment Ruth is breathing a sigh of relief. Orpah goes and Naomi realizes Ruth hasn’t left yet. I have this funny vision of when kids like to wrap themselves around your leg…you know…they hold on with a death grip and you just want to shake them off but you can’t. So Naomi is trying to shake Ruth off, and again she says: Go back, your sister is going, go with her. And Ruth, Ruth says:  Nope

2.    Point #2: When a situation won’t leave you, maybe God actually wants you to deal with it.
So Naomi moves forward, I think not sure how she’s going to deal with it.  They come to Judah and the whole town is rejoicing and I think AGAIN Naomi is looking for a way out of her mess and she says: Don’t call me Naomi, call me Mara, which means bitter. Don’t rejoice for me, feel sorry for me.

We have a way of trying to dig ourselves out of our own messes. What I’ve learned in my own circumstances is I can either let God have His way with me now…or He is going to have His way with me later. It’s kinda like mom saying, knock it off or when your father gets home…. You can knock it off now or He’ll knock it out of you later.  Hebrews 10:31 summarizes it nicely for us: It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God”
What we miss a lot of the time during self inflicted hardship is God has a plan even in that. 
3.    Point #3 is He wants to take our mess and turn it into a Message.
There are a lot of people living without hope to get out of the situation they are in. Don’t miss hear me, I’m not talking about the unexpected storms of life that move you forward. I’m specifically talking about the storm that keeps coming and it’s the obvious one that God wants you to deal with. It’s the one that every time you think about your hands sweat and you just shove it back down because you don’t want to have to go back a failure and admit to someone that you messed up. I was listening on the radio yesterday…there is a show I like to listen to every once in a while, but more often than not I’m switching it to another station because it gets a little inappropriate. The gal had her voice disguised and she was talking about how she had had an affair and she now had children with her husband and she loved him and she would never tell him the truth. And the DJ’s were like, yea yea…it does nothing for him to know….and I wanted to reach through the radio and strangle both of them, but it was what she said that struck me: I wake up every morning thinking about it and I go to bed thinking about it…not because I want him, but because it plagues me and I’ll never be able to forgive myself. I  WAS   SCREAMING   AT   THE    RADIO….there is HOPE! There is hope…God doesn’t want you to live in your famine anymore than you do, but He can only work with what you give Him. If you’re not willing to give yourself totally to Him, this famine will last and last and last. He wants to take that…mess….and turn it into a message.

What is your famine? What are you trying to overcome on your own that God will freely lift you up and away from?  Read 1 Peter 5:6-10

There IS hope. I’m not just throwing out scripture and talking about being in willful sin and you’re sitting back thinking ‘she’s the teacher…how would she know’ um…because I HAVE REALLY REALLY screwed up in the past. The beautiful thing about God is He doesn’t take those things and hold them over my head to shame me…He has turned it into His ministry so that all of you would see that God really can do something with your mess….and more than that…He WANTS to do something with your mess. He doesn’t want you living with the pain of the past anymore than you do. Grab a Godly friend…someone who you know won’t let you get away with anything…and confess…then get some Godly counsel from your pastor or counselor on where to go from there. Don’t let the enemy lie to you and tell you there is no hope…

I hope you are getting a lot out of this study. If you need encouragement and prayer, I would love the opportunity to pray for you and with you. Just grab me anytime or shoot me a message and let me know how and what I can pray for you.

As always, you are near and dear to me

Love Sara

Here are your discussion questions...
1.    What was the most impacting moment for you this week?
2.    Discuss a time in your life when you were tempted to leave the place God had you in for something easier or more attractive?
3.    Turn to the middle of Week One, to the bottom of p.21 and the top of p.22. I loved Kelly’s discussion about her friend “weeping forward.” What do you think that means? Several of you share a season in your life when you feel like you wept forward and several others might consider sharing a season in your life when you wept backward. Most of us have done both at some point in our lives.
4.    How has the word Hesed enriched your understanding of love?
5.    What’s an area in your life where you’ve had to choose a long obedience in the same direction?
6.    What did you learn about the power of words?
7.    How does Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi encourage you to show this same type of committed loyalty to a friend or loved one who might not always be the easiest to love?
8.    Are there times you have felt like God’s blessing was for everyone but you?
9.    Look back at the middle of page 12 where Kelly had us look up Deuteronomy 23 and Judges 3 to get some background on the Moabites. Read Deuteronomy 23:3-5 together. In your small group, I want you to talk about a few things that have happened in your lives that Satan would love to use to curse you. You can think of it conceptually more than literally if that helps. At the end of class today, I want you to claim that fifth verse together in prayer and believe God to turn those curses into blessings!


Ruth - Part 1

Hey Ladies! 

My mind is just blown away! I just got done updating our class roster and we have 59 women signed up for our Summer Bible Study! Can you believe it? For those of you who wanted to make it this last Thursday, but couldn't get there, I'm going to be posting our devotional discussions and questions here for you to review. This will be a great way for you to stay in touch with our study. 

This Summer we have chosen to do Kelly Minter's 'Ruth - Love, loss & legacy'. I had the opportunity to do this study last Summer along with Beth Moore's online group and I can't tell you how awesome it is. You really just have to experience it for yourself. As I told our gals in class, the homework is not overbearing, so don't give up! Stick with it. Your heart and soul will be richly blessed for staying at it. 

There are two things I always like to do when I start a new study. One is I like to regain perspective on why I study the Bible. The other thing I like to do is set the landscape for what was going on historically during the time I’m studying.  Context is very important when we’re studying God’s word. So let's kick this study off with a little history lesson and a reset on our frame of reference for who God is …THEN we’re going to talk about why you and I are doing this study. 

Some of you may be new to the whole church thing. Some of you may have been in the church your entire life…either way…we have a tendency to lose perspective on how big God is and sometimes, we lose perspective of how close He is. I think in the time of the Judges, the Israelites had a direct connection with him, yet they didn’t feel Him close. Ruth, whose story takes place during the time of the judges, didn’t even know Him, yet pursued Him…I have an inkling…she felt His closeness. It's hard to find relation between a very big God, but a very close God.  In Genesis, at the very beginning we read:  In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.  I read these words and each time I’m overwhelmed at just how big and indescribable God is. I walk outside and I look at the vast sky and I think…’Man, God is HUGE…and He created all of this” it’s easy to get lost in the vastness of God.  Then if you jump over to Isaiah 42 God says “Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will bring justice to the nations.” This is a foretelling of the coming of Christ..bear with me...I promise I have a point.  In Acts 1, Jesus has been crucified and he is getting ready to be taken up to heaven and he says to his disciples: "For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.” I want to tell you I do a lot of word study, and in my research what I have found is… The Holy Spirit…is the Holy Spirit. There is no substitute or different Spirit…it just is what it is. So when you boil this down, this big great God…that formed the Heavens…His spirit hovered over the waters…then he sends His son, full of His Spirit to redeem us, is there when the Son of God hangs on the cross, THEN when you would think that having received salvation and redemption is good enough…He infuses all who ask with His Spirit. So I’m not sure if you get that…but let me put it this way…The Holy Spirit…the one that hovered over the waters at the beginning of time…the same Spirit that was with Christ....lives     in     you…. Take a moment and let that sink it. I don’t know any other way to express the greatness of God and yet the personalization of Him all in one fail swoop. Why am I writing about this? Because sometimes we do Bible study to do Bible study...don't get me wrong...there is absolutely nothing criminal about that...but we do need to respect the greatness of God. I ALSO want you to be totally pumped that you are walking around this world with the Spirit of God living in you! I just think that is SO cool! So while you're studying, ask the Spirit to guide you in your reading. Ask Him to deepen your understanding. I can't wait to hear or read what is being revealed to you. 

Now we’re going to jump off that and have a history lesson…I promise it will be quick. So sometime between the beginning of time and right here today at Waterstone church…before His people we’re infused with the Spirit…there was the time of the Judges.

The time of the judges, as you will find from reading that book, was a time when the tribes of Israel were disjointed and subject to all sorts of trauma as a result of their unfaithfulness.  Frankly…Judges is a really hard read. Israel was constantly turning their back on God, prostituting themselves to idols and asking God to bail them out. He’d raise up a judge, the judge would direct them, the judge would die and then the cycle would start all over.  The book of Ruth is like a lighthouse in the midst of a raging storm.  Ruth is not only a story about a woman who's lost everything and find her way to her new life, it is a story of love and compassion. It is a beautiful example of God's compassion and adoration for us. 

In examining this study and in reading Ruth over and over in preparation for this time together a few things have come to mind. I’m not sure why you’re taking this study. 
Knowing that we’re all tied together…it doesn’t surprise me that we’re drawn together to come study about Him. But there is always a purpose for those who are on His path. So while we get ready to study Ruth I want you to think about a few things. Ruth is a story of moving forward.  In the process of preparing it dawned on me that our story starts out with Naomi, she has no place to go so she’s going back…home...bitter. Ruth, lost and insecure…has no place to go…so she’s going forward, hopeful

The stages I’ve come up with are boiled down to 3

1.    Sometimes you have examine the past in order to move forward
a.    Are you in a place where you have to face the past and heal from it?
2.    Sometimes you have to finish the present in order to move forward
a.   Sometimes, God continues to plant your right back at ground zero, when you keep trying to move forward…he just wants you to finish before you can move forward. It’s like walking in knee deep snow or trying to run in your dream…you keep trying to move forward and you’re exhausted by God saying nope…go back.
b.   In their book God will Make a Way, psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe a concept called “finishing”. According to Drs. Cloud and Townsend, we all have relationships, experiences and lessons in life that are sometimes painful, difficult and for whatever reason, hard to process. As a result, we walk around with certain feelings, patterns and conflict that do not relate to the present but to people and events from previous time. Because those things are not “finished”, they are in the way of present situations, present relationships, or present goals. What do you need to finish?
3.    Sometimes you have to move forward, because the storm moves you forward…and you have no choice
a.   From the book ‘Embrace Your Second Calling’ by Dale Hanson Bourke – The book of Ruth tells us that Naomi “went forth out of the place where she was” (Ruth 1:7). There is something definite about that phrase. Naomi was leaving Moab behind. The biblical record says nothing about her packing up her household or giving away her belongings or agonizing over the memories built in this place. She just got up and left it all behind. I almost see an urgency in her move. Like she was propelled in that direction, unwillingly, but nonetheless...going home.
b.    I think about the people in that have lost everything from the devastation of a tornado, or hurricane, or the person that wakes up on a seemingly normal day and finds out she’s got cancer. Or as in our story, we walked into a seemingly normal dr appointment to find out what the gender of our baby would be, to find out it was a boy…and he wasn’t going to live. Or it could be a simple as figuring out your child is growing up whether you like it our not. My daughter hurt herself the other day. I, being mommy, said "do you want me to kiss it" she looked at me as if I'd lost my ever lovin' mind. She is moving forward...and whether I like it or not...I'm going wit

In all of these examples…somewhere we HAVE to move forward. I just wonder where you are at in your forward process. There’s a reason we’re all here for this study…some of us it’s to connect with new relationships, some of us feel drawn to do something more…in any case…keep in mind that eventually He wants to move us on confident that what he is calling us to will be so much more than anything He is calling us from. 

So write me and tell me, what is your goal for this study? Where do you see yourself in the 'moving forward process' and tell me a little bit about yourself. 

I'm praying for you and I can't wait to see where God takes all of us on this journey together of Love, Loss and Legacy.

Love you, 



Calling all moms!

I joke a LOT about selling Biscuits or giving him away...but I never would. I'm sure you're wondering if I'm really selling biscuits...are they flaky? homemade? buttermilk? pillsbury...and is there boysenberry jam with them...OR you're wondering if it's a nickname for my adorably stubborn 2 year old. The answer is: I can always make you some biscuits if you'd like, yes homemade and of COURSE buttermilk, but right now I'm talking about my son and no I don't have boysenberry jam but I DO have grape jelly...

So here's the deal. He's 2. TWO, DOS, d - e - u - c - e ... do you read me? He will soon be 3...I just shuddered a little. I know two is a walk in the park compared to three...what we don't know is how bad it's going to be with him...and if TWO is any indication...one of us may not make it through the next year.  So I need advice. I'm wondering if any of you have a kid like this and how you've managed to deal with it. Obviously what I'm doing isn't working. Let me painfully describe my morning to you and it might give you some insight on his royal twoness: 7am, open his door so he wakes up on his own...rudely rousing him in his habitat and scaring him awake causes an overabundance of statements like: 'I DON'T WANT YOU MOM' and 'I WANT TO STAY IN MY BED' and 'I DON'T WANT YOU MOM'...oh...I already said that...in any case I have to be careful and let him wake up on his own. We move downstairs from his room, when he's ready of course, and roll out the inevitable question which will ruin the rest of his day: What do you want for breakfast? 
Then this is the conversation that happened recently:

B: Can I have cookies?
M: No, we need to find something other than cookies for breakfast
B: Okay, well can I have cheese?
(thinking we had made some headway with his meltdowns, I was pleased at my accomplishment and said)
M: Well sure, you can have some cheese
B: OKAY! (takes cheese - insert personality change here as he walks into the living room)
B: I don't want you cheese!!! (slams cheese on the coffee table as if lactose intolerance in this country has to be conquered) 
M: Okay...then you don't get the cheese (throw cheese in trash)
M: I'm sorry Biscuits, you should have thought about that first
M: Please sit in timeout

Now...as you can imagine...that didn't work. We just went downhill from there. So here is what I need help with...

How do you change the root of a child's behavior? When he says he wants something, no he doesn't, yes he does... I've already tried one chance and you're done...it's not working..so what now?  Do I take all his choices away and not give him a choice and then when he doesn't take what I give him, do I not give him anything? Do I let him make the choice and then when he decides 10 seconds later that he's changed his mind, take whatever it is he's chosen away? 

Maybe the root of the problem is his nickname is Biscuits...I'm not sure...

What I am sure of is, he's stubborn, he can yell really loud, and he's also the sweetest boy I've ever known...

Let me know if you any advice...or make me an offer for the kid...I'll entertain either...

Love you all



Love in Ambivalent Times Part 1

I'm watching some tough stuff go down these days. Marriages around us are crumbling... The enemy is knocking at the door of families and someone is letting him in...

I'm a firm believer in the contrasts between a man and a woman. I've often said the man is the head of the house, and the woman the heart. In order though...for the head to work...the heart has to pump...so don't stop the heart. From ancient Greece to ancient Rome, women were viewed as possessions. Christ was probably seen as so ridiculously radical in that He had a female following. As time moved forward, the voice of women grew louder...and rightfully so. Women had a right to take their place as human beings in the world with equal privileges to men. The ability to be educated, the right to vote, equal pay...all those things were important. HOWEVER...somewhere we've crossed the line. We've taken our plight possibly too far. I turn the TV on today and there is a commercial on about every 5 minutes dumbing down the man. Sitcoms parade stupid fathers across our screen and we glorify the single mother, but we rarely praise the single father when it's the mother who walked away from her children. We've challenged the simple gift a man can bring to the table...by just being a man. The result? Men are tired and walking away.

We've created a mess...but at the very beginning...at the root of our relationships...exists this little lie we've termed 'love'. Eye's lock for a moment, a brief exchange of words takes place, chemistry ignites and VIOLA it's love. Seven years down the road you wake up one morning and you make no eye contact with the other, a brief exchange of words takes place, anger ignites...and you leave for work...only to pick up your evening where you left off that morning....and viola...divorce looms in the air. As little girls we read stories of our night in shining armor coming to rescue us on a white horse. No where in that story do we find the princess fighting for equal pay and rights...she just wants to be rescued and then go have babies. We've learned that love is something that invokes an emotion and a feeling. It's the butterflies you feel when your lips first touch... When you're a little girl no one tells you that feeling goes away. No one tells you the real story is, you wake up in the morning, look at your spouse and CHOOSE to love them, because that is what is RIGHT. No one tells you someday, God is going to come knocking to give in to the answer of your prayer: Lord just make him a better man...Lord just do what only you can do... And when He comes to take His place in your home, you don't get to throw the right of women in His face...but you have to sit at His feet...listen...and oh...here's the word you hate...be OBEDIENT.  Yep, all of a sudden...love is all about making a choice to stay, and it has nothing, nothing, nothing to do with the butterflies you lost so long ago. Wake up, keep praying, and move out of the way...God is going to do some work...on BOTH of you.

I could go on all night, but I need to get to what is really nagging at me. I have friends (as I've mentioned before) who's husbands are throwing their hands up and walking away. I've heard things like: 'He said he just doesn't feel any love for me.' & 'He isn't willing to give it all up to have us' & 'I know he loves his kids...but I know he doesn't love me'. IT   IS   MAKING   ME  CRAZY!

Men, PLEASE listen up...I can't imagine how hard it is to stand in the face of an angry woman and say "I'm not leaving and I want to make this work". It must be horribly difficult to choose to walk into a room where your wife is standing KNOWING she doesn't really want to have anything to do with you...but seriously...God created you with the skills to buck up and put your boxing gloves on when it comes to a battle! Men! We need you to fight for us. We need you to show our children what it looks like to have a redeemed marriage where two people are in love because they chose to stay and work it out. I'm not just saying this because it seems right...and it is...but because I've been on the wife side of this and my husband...(poor guy) has been on the receiving end of a lot of my anger. He didn't give up. He pursued me, learned to listen to me, took time to get to know me again, and realized that sometimes you have to be willing to lose everything you thought that mattered...to hold on to a family that matters most. LOVE IS A CHOICE! Love is about being obedient to Christs call on your life as a man. He didn't create you to only be a monetary provider. He created you to be a provider...period.  I am begging you...don't let satan win the battle over our families. If you're here, if your standing on the edge of walking away or staying, or if you're trying and you just don't know how to reach her...here are some things that worked for us:

1. Fasting - power packed prayer to redeem your marriage. There are plenty of articles online about fasting and how to prepare for it. I'd dive in today!
2. Listen - I know you want to fix everything, but listen and then say something like this: 'I can't imagine how frustrating that must be. Maybe we can figure something out together to make this easier. Would that help you?' If she says no, then that means she just needs to vent...if she stares at you with a blank face...it probably means she 'see's' that you 'hear' her.
3. Take her out on a date and ask her questions like it's your first date. You'll be surprised how much she's changed...
4. Flowers
5. Tell her all the time she's the only girl for you...she needs to know this...

That sums it up for now. Don't give up. If you have...make the choice to stay. DECIDE to love. Be apart of the statistics of the ones who made it! Go to war! Fight for it! Give it all you've got!

Ladies...I have a word for you...but it's going to come in part 2 of this lovely post. In the meantime..you can post your hate mail right here. I look forward to your comments.

As always,

Love you much,



non essential essentials...part II

It's been a long time since of posted about my non essential essentials...so I thought...oh why not...I'm at work with a ton of stuff to do...so let's procrastinate a little more. 

My list has changed since we first posted THIS post. Let's just get the obvious out of the way and I'll tell you right now that although I still believe in the 'who needs water when there's diet dp' I'm at this stage in life where I'm drinking more water. What stage is that you ask? Its a stage where all of a sudden you realize the reason you feel like shriveling up and dying is because you haven't had water in oh...about 2 weeks. AND it's the stage that requires you to accept you're getting older and this is where my things make my non essential essential list. So here we go:

1. As you get old'ER' you'll realize those lashes are looking thin. It's just a bummer. But recently I've found a product that seems to be working. Take a look at Cargo LashActivator. I think it's worth the money...blink blink.
2. I don't need an iPhone...but I have an iPhone...and I like my iPhone. Now it's making me think I need an iPad...OH STOP IT...you know you want one too...
3. I like coffee...and tea...and if I could hook an iv up to my arm and have Diet Dr. Pepper with me all the time I would...that being said...take a look at this...and I'm just saying...it works. (SMILE)
4. I still have a solid back up of cleaning gloves...which I like to refer to as 'All occasion gloves'...Do I need to wear them to put clean dishes away? Well...no...but might as well wear them while I'm in the kitchen...I mean...I MIGHT need to touch something dirty

I think that little tid bit is enough for today...I don't want to completely scare you off. I still have plenty of little ocd things we could talk about all day...but why ruin this nice day.  That will be a post that reads something like this: Did you know the dirtiest place you put your hands is....

Yep...I'll end it on that note. Miss me...



I am NOT ok...

The last few days have been filled with busyness...today I forced myself out of the house because I knew that I was not going to be ok...then it dawned on me that I'm really just not ok anyway. Time is filled with talking to clients, shuttling kids around, answering the phone, making breakfast, lunch...dinner...going through the motions...choking back tears...and just about every hour I've asked God: Do all dogs really go to heaven? 

Before you even let the words escape your mouth that 'it's just a dog'....let me tell you I ALREADY KNOW THAT! HOWEVER....that 'just a dog' was my dog for nearly 13 years. So for the skeptics...keep reading...you may learn something from my soul search for dogs...and don't be mean....

I started reading different articles about the probability of animals in Heaven...some people out there are truly disturbing...the entire time I was reading though...I could tell God was leading me away from those articles and directly into His word to sooth my heart. He brought so many scriptures to me it has overwhelmed my heart with peace: 

Hosea 2:18
In that day I will make a covenant for them 
with the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.

Psalm 84:3 
Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
LORD Almighty, my King and my God. 

In Revelation 5:8-13 all creatures recognize Jesus as the Savior of the world and praise God right along with redeemed men. In Romans 8:19(KJV) we read that the lesser creatures await Christ's return to redeem the sons of God so they, too, will be released from physical death to eternal life. AND then there is this: 
Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying: 

To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb 
be praise and honor and glory and power, For ever and ever." Revelations 5:13  (now tell me there's no animals in Heaven....)

Paul wrote in the book of Romans: "Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now" (Romans 8:21-22 KJV) See...Tucker has a new body and has been released from this earthly bondage...

So I'm not okay. I'm not sure anyone would be. 12 1/2 years is a LONG time. We grew up together. When he was 3 he didn't like when I'd leave town. I'd usually get a new pair of shoes on my work travels and he'd make sure to find that pair and eat one shoe. He was good at making me pay for leaving him behind. He lived after eating a whole tube of bengay. Add that to the list of all the other things that boy ingested and it's a miracle we didn't lose him earlier. Tucker would blow bubbles in the water...that was funny. He was with us on the plane with the man proposed to me....we said yes. He knew every time I was pregnant....he'd hardly leave my side. When we lost Isaac...he slept right by my beside for days.... He never failed to meet us at the door. He never failed to forget a meal...and he never failed to drool everywhere when someone in the house made popcorn. He...was a GOOD boy. I knew I would really suck at this...and I have lived up to my expectation. I miss him. I HATE that he died in my arms...and oh...how I miss him. 

But God has given me hope and filled me with peace...that not a sparrow falls from the sky that He doesn't know about...so surely...my son Isaac just got a dog named Tucker...

And the wolf will dwell with the lamb, 
And the leopard will lie down with the young goat, 
And the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; 
And a little boy will lead them. 
Also the cow and the bear will graze, 
Their young will lie down together, 
And the lion will eat straw like the ox. 
The nursing child will play by the hole of the cobra, 
And the weaned child will put his hand on the viper's den.
(Isaiah 11:6-8)

Love you all,




I'm not a morning person.  As a matter of fact if I could sleep in until 8 or 9 every morning that would be alright with me. Unfortunately, I don't have the bandwidth to sleep in. I actually have to do mom stuff like wake children up, get them dressed, feed them (which I'll admit is something I forget since I'm not a breakfast person either), take them to school or daycare, so on and so forth. I actually dreaded this part of parenthood when I was little...if that tells you anything about how much I dislike mornings. OH! The other horrible thing about me is that ever since I had pneumonia, I don't like to drink coffee...so put me in a setting where I have to get up around 5 and give me coffee which I'm not so crazy about anymore and it makes for a slightly annoyed start to a day...and by the way...whoever came up with the title 'Morning Glory' annoys me...so far there is nothing glorious to me about mornings. Maybe by the end of this post God will work that out of me. 

Yes I have a point...(I think). All morning I've been quoting this verse over and over in my head: Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Ps 90:14 Over and over in my head I keep saying it...I realize there are some great scriptures about morning, but I'm beginning to wonder if there is something about mornings that really pleases God. The dawn of a new day. The opportunity to 'start over'. The fragrance of morning, renewal...awakening... The reminder of what it must have been like to be a part of creation. The idea that He has a constant souvenir of that moment and it's the dawns FIRST rays of light. Beautiful. A new day...an opportunity for someone to hear the good news: there really is salvation. Hope that someone would grab hold of the deep desire on His part that none should perish. And then...there is this title: Morning Star. It's a lot to throw into a morning, especially when you're not a morning person. 

So what's this rant all about? Well it's supposed to be encouragement to start your day off right. You see when we take time at the end of our day to have our quiet time, usually all we're doing is asking for forgiveness...well I am anyway. This thing about mornings, the idea that we get to start over, it's empowering. Add to that the most important part of it...spending time with the One we love. Casting our burdens for the day at His feet. Resting in the renewal of His dawn and allowing the Morning Star to bring light and warmth to our soul. There is something good about mornings. So to start our day off right...(well mine anyway..if you need to come back and read this tomorrow MORNING then I say do it!) here are some scriptures about morning: 

Job 7:17-19
17 “What is mankind that you make so much of them,
   that you give them so much attention,
18 that you examine them every morning
   and test them every moment?
19 Will you never look away from me,
   or let me alone even for an instant?

Psalm 30:4-5
 4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
   praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
   but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
   but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 59:16-17

16 But I will sing of your strength,
   in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
   my refuge in times of trouble.

 17 You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
   you, God, are my fortress,
   my God on whom I can rely.

Revelations 22:16
 16 “I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you[a] this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star.”

Yep...there must be something about mornings. I'm willing to be inconvenienced to find out, EVEN if that means 5 am is the time to do it. Are you?

Love you all,



My emotions...

I've been lost in the land of busy lately. And other than my last blog post, I haven't found much 'write' in me...if you know what I mean. So I thought i would kick off a new round of blogs by telling you somethings that you don't know about me. I experience strong emotions. Some of them are so overwhelming that I can't even write about it without evoking the emotion and soaking my shirt while I write. Other's aren't as strong, but I thought I'd share with you some things that just 'get' me. So here goes:

I can't watch National Geographic without getting upset. I can't watch daytime TV without feeling dumber. I can't watch Craig Ferguson without laughing my fool head off and then promptly falling to sleep after his monologue. I can't hear my son tell me he loves me without turning into mush on the inside. I can't look at my daughter without seeing the difficult years she has ahead of her just having to be a girl and all that entails. I can't look her in her face without being completely overwhelmed with love for her and gratitude that God gave her to me. I can't be in the same room with my husband without thinking how sexy he is. I can't go through a day without thinking about Isaac and how much I wish he was hear being 4 with us. I can't think about my brothers without feeling completely blessed to have such an amazing group of guys in my life. I can't think about my brother's wives without being totally giddy with excitement that they don't suck the life out of me and I LOVE every single one of them. I can't think about my husbands family without being totally thrilled my in-laws aren't crazy! I can't be in the presence of my parents without being overwhelmed with the knowledge that so many people have gone through life without the love and adoration of such and awesome parent team. I can't be around my closest friends without asking God what I did to deserve them. I can't sing the following lyrics without falling apart at the word no: 

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

There's a lot more. I'm actually pretty complex. Now I'm going to bed and maybe tomorrow we can talk about something a little more serious. I'm contemplating things that I should share with you. Things like ice cream flavors, taxes and depression....not necessarily in that order. 

Love you all,