It is time...after way too many years...here goes:
I know you must be surprised. I'm surprised too. You would think after you brought me Pretty In Pink Barbie I would have stayed totally loyal to you. All I can say is I'm sorry. Somewhere between 6 and now (eh hem...no age mentioned here) my Frosty got freezer burnt and my Jolly didn't gel. So before you judge me, let me say I still believe.
Now that we have that out of the way, you should know I have a few requests. I have not been too nice this year, but I think you will overlook my not so nice behavior with the knowledge that I had to clean up a LOT of throw up this year...and it wasn't my own. Nough said. First and foremost, I would like to tell you I'm a bit concerned about the whole Socialized Health Care initiative. I know you don't really have too much political clout, but I'm wondering if you could put the same size dentures under the tree of our fellow congressmen with a tag that says 'One Size Fits All' and that might give them an idea of how hard it will be to put a 'one size fit's all' healthcare plan on the American people. I would also like if you would please sprinkle some fairy dust on our Mr. President (the Tooth Fairy has extra if you don't have any left) and get him to give a tax credit to current home owners that already own cars and are married with children and are US Citizens...I think those of us who have paid our bills and are doing what we're supposed to do would like to share in some of this free wealth :) Just a thought.
Okay...on a more personal note, I don't think I have slept in about 7 years. I would ask you to bring fairy dust for that, but a years supply of Ambien would work just fine. I like to have at least one present to unwrap. I would also really like if you could have a discussion with T-Mobile about my voicemail. It seems we are in disagreement about when voicemails are left and when I actually get them. Since you know I'm the type of gal that likes functional gifts and enjoys the practical side of things, I'd like you to install 'Yes Mommy' buttons on both my children. One seems to have the 'Why' button and the other has a 'no no' button installed instead. While the 'no no' can be cute at times since he only knows a few words, I figure we might as well get a head start on him.
Last but not least, and most importantly, you may have noticed a few 'new' things about me...so here is my final request:
my waistline is missing,
some things started saggin,
the gray is a creeping,
my hips...they ain't shrinkin'
the gyms not an option
it's always too hoppin
with girls and their yoga pants
their cute hair...their implants
i'm feeling like Dopey
add Sleepy and Grouchy
Snow White would be a nice twist
or i might start a hit list
this may seem quite forward
but you've always been aboveboard
please Santa, here's my point
a makeover...a new look of some sort
a lift, a tuck, no wrinkles here
you could easily make this quite a year
i'm not asking too much
i'm not afraid to beg
but come christmas morning
i might lose my head
that about sums it up,
i have nothing left to say,
please santa remember me
come Christmas day