I'm behind on posting to you about Ruth. I'm so sorry, but I promise to get the last few weeks posted soon. The last 2 weeks have been filled with illness in our house and unexpected disruptions. I...have been interrupted...a LOT.
I have been interrupted by vomit, phone calls, the constant call of 'MOMMY', work, dishes, phone calls, potty training accidents, doggy (who should be trained) accidents, vacuuming, dusting, best friend having unexpected surgery, more phone calls, more MOMMY calls and fear, fear, fear....f e a r .
Fear has interrupted my life...and I'm not all too happy about it.
I have a natural fear of losing one of my kids...I think it's totally normal for a mommy to have some level of fear over her children. I might say mine is heightened a little after losing Isaac, but it's fear all the same. A week ago tomorrow I was looking smack dab in the eyes of men on the Jefferson County SWAT team called in to look for a gunman at the pool the kids and I were hanging out at. A man...with a gun...was close....close enough that I was standing in disbelief while the crowd around me accounted for the children that belonged to them....while a guy with a fully loaded automatic weapon took notes... fear....
I'll spare you the details. The event still seems so random and surreal....but real enough that it has conjured up ridiculous emotions in me. I have come to the realization that even though there are over 300 versus in the Bible pertaining to fear...that just doesn't make me feel better. Here's the reality (which inevitably brings up a question some of you will ask), bad things happen. And the question (drum roll please) 'Why does God let bad things happen to good people'. My answer? God doesn't label each one of our lives with stickers and timelines of what bad things will happen to us on a particular given day. Actually...I believe it grieves Him deeply to watch us suffer. I don't believe He's sitting in the sky with a magic wand pointing at us saying hocus pocus spells to make something bad happen... we live in a fallen world where we have been given free will and where free will allows people to make bad choices. We live in a world where people who make bad choices cause people like me to have bouts of insane fear that I have to work through. We live in a world where the actions of one person can cause thousands upon thousands of people to tremble... Where the actions of one man can cause a child who doesn't deserve to live in fear draw deeper and drink from the well of anxiety and distress.
I think my next post might be titled 'anger' since now I'm just ticked several of my days have been severely interrupted by one man holding a gun...
That's my rant for now. In all reality I feel much better and it's not just because I used the word 'vomit' in this post...however that does make me giggle a little...
I will return with a post on Ruth soon...I promise...and I still owe you women a good whoopin' in a post on marriage.
Love you all,
Sara
