Trust and Obey

I woke up this morning and no joke was singing this song in my head: 


This world is not my home, 
I'm just passing through
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.


O Lord you know I have no friend like you
If Heaven's not my home, then Lord what will I do?
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.


I seriously don't think I've sung that song in 15 years. I kind of giggled thinking about how some of those old hymns are really good at articulating how we feel...just in a very hokey way...but I know it wasn't hokey back then so please don't send hate mail! 


In any case, I woke up feeling uncomfortable with life. I do this every once in a while...when we start moving towards serious change I just start feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. The ground underneath me seems to move...I get quiet, pull away and spend a LOT of time praying and thinking. This in the past has resulted in my hubby thinking I'm angry...but I'm not...just a tinsy winsy bit stressed (He knows that now so don't send marriage help books with your hate mail).  I do NOT like change. Never have. I like things to be and flow smooth. However, as odd as this will sound, there are times when I crave change...I just never have the guts to do anything about it. I can remember when I was in college and I had just moved to Colorado and I was desperate to feel comfortable again. I was sitting in my room begging the Lord to just take me home because in my heart of hearts I knew that Heaven was going to be the only place I'd ever feel normal and at home again. He had something different in mind...There is this scripture in Exodus 23:9 that talks about oppressing an alien, it says: "Do not oppress an alien; you yourselves know how it feels to be aliens, because you were aliens in Egypt". Even back then people KNEW how it felt to be in a place they knew was not their home. 


So why am I ranting about this this morning? Well, partly because when I wake up singing songs like that in my head, there is no going back to sleep...so I'm a tad bit cranky that I got up at 6 am on a Saturday. AND because I realize there are times when get comfortable and then the world seems okay for a little while. We have what we need, money might be a little tight, but over all we're ok...Our kids our healthy and we don't have anything shaking our world up on a massive Spiritual scale...so life isss...ok.We don't REALLY need God at that moment because everything seems right with the world. 


THEN something starts to move you...you start to realize the ground underneath you that was so stable 2 seconds ago is not so stable anymore. You realize the house you've been living in is full of things you'll never take with you when you go...and you say it out loud to friends who need to hear that...but you yourself...you can't let go. You realize that although you have told God you give Him your children...when something is wrong with them, you beg Him not to take them. The ground starts to shake a little more and we realize we are losing our footing and now we are VERY uncomfortable. The catastrophe thunders down on us and when the storm is over and the dust starts to settle and all around us is devastation God looks down and says: It is good. We cry and raise our fists to the heavens and beg Him to answer us why. We survey the devastation and mournfully we start to clean up and somewhere on the wind a melody fills us with comfort, but the words rain down a reality we forgot somewhere before the storm came and they say something like this:  Not a shadow can rise, Not a cloud in the skies, But His smile quickly drives it away; Not a doubt or a fear, Not a sigh or a tear, Can abide if we trust and obey. Trust and obey, for there's no other way To be happy with Jesus, But to trust and obey. Not a burden we bear, Not a sorrow we share, But our toil He doth richly repay; Not a grief or a loss, Not a frown or a cross, But is blest if we trust and obey. Trust and obey, for there's no other way To be happy with Jesus, But to trust and obey...as the song washes over us, we step back to see the wreckage is gone, our life is rebuilt and even the hint of a storm is out of sight. Only then do we see it IS good...it is better than before and this time we will remember...and we will learn and we will trust and obey...