Missing a boy...

You know sometimes when I'm blog hopping, which I do frequently, I get stopped on a blog and begin to wonder why I'm not one of those bloggers.

I mean I started this blog with the intention of chronicling my journey with Isaac...it seems like I don't type or say that name enough. It seems like I am so busy with everything else the name Isaac is muffled and moved to the top shelf, waiting to be dusted off. I can not imagine that there has been a day that I have forgotten that I am not only The Bugs mom, Biscuits mom...but Isaac's mommy as well...but I think there have been those days. So I blog hop, and I read beautiful stories of how lives have been shaped, transformed, redeemed all at the feet of the Master when a child has been laid there...and I feel like I've missed out. In all reality though, I haven't. I have been shaped, transformed, redeemed and it has all been at the Masters feet, FOR the sake of the Master and most of it happened one day when I laid my boy there.

Don't think for second I don't miss him. Don't think for a second that now because Biscuits is here that we don't still feel like a family of 5. Don't think for one moment that I have forgotten I carried 3 babies in this body...I hate every minute of knowing I don't have him here growing with us. Living with us...playing. That does not mean I don't know I'm still blessed that he is with our Father. It doesn't mean I'm angry or that all of a sudden I'm changing my tune. It just really means I miss him...and I had to say that.

As I sit here writing, tears spilling down my face, what I want you to know is I miss Isaac Matthew and no one will ever take his place.