1 Chronicles 29:9-10 Amplified Version
9 And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father [have personal knowledge of Him, be acquainted with, and understand Him; appreciate, heed, and cherish Him] and serve Him with a blameless heart and a willing mind. For the Lord searches all hearts and minds and understands all the wanderings of the thoughts. If you seek Him [inquiring for and of Him and requiring Him as your first and vital necessity] you will find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever! 10 Take heed now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary. Be strong and do it!

It is snowing this morning and for some very odd reason we have our window open. That odd reason is my husband, but we won’t go there. Anyway, you could hear the cars at 5:30 this morning headed down the road. The traffic was getting in the way of my concentration (otherwise known as sleep). It’s Wednesday morning and we are headed towards the day coffee in hand (can I get an Amen) and moving full throttle. Our lives thus far have been filled with what to wear, should I go thru Starbucks on my way to work, are the kids going to behave at school, did homework get done, is my boss going to be in a good mood…I’m exhausted just writing these questions down. All this begs the question: What is your first and vital necessity in life? Yes we have responsibilities, yes we have to work, but what is your FIRST and vital necessity of life?

I have said it a million times and will continue to spread the word that we are so busy with life we have forgotten the creator of it! We have been busy enough that we have fashioned and formed Church into what fits for us. We have (over the years) turned Church into a social gathering, picking projects here and there, but mostly we just fill the pews on Sunday morning and worry about what is coming up Monday morning when we start the insanity all over again. How did we get this far without Him? Even I struggle with making Him my first and vital necessity, but oh how I want to know more. I am struck with the desire to drown in His words, to play in the waters of His wisdom and to soak in the rays of His glory! I want to know more, but mostly…I want to start doing more.

The last part of the scripture reading really gets me. ‘Be strong and do it’! Don’t we always just have an excuse? We find ways to not move forward with helping in a project or starting something new for His purpose because we are just too tired, too tapped out and too needy for fulfillment before we go and do the something else. I keep thinking of that song from Steven Curtis Chapman “There is more to this life, than living and dying, more than just trying to make it through the day…” When we are obedient to His calling he promises to bless us with joy and from joy comes energy…and the positive cycle of His desire for our lives begins. When did we ever come up with the idea that life is all about us? We were created to worship Him, to live for Him, to be strong and do the thing! Take it to the next level. Believe that He has promised joy and blessing when we move past that block in our mind that we are too busy.

…your first and vital necessity…Take a mental inventory of your ‘plans’ throughout each day and figure out how to fit Him in. His ways are more than just a topic of conversation, a sermon on Sunday morning…it’s a way of life. More than the air you breath…seek Him. Ask Him for the direction, for the desire…I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Father we want you as the be all end all of our days! As in all things, we just need your direction and calling on where you want us. Show us how to seek You more. Increase our desire for You daily; strengthen our resolve to never walk out of the house in the morning without having had our cup overflow with You first.

Our Vacation

We just spent six glorious days going through some of the most beautiful country God has created. I was blown away by the splendor and majesty of the Zion mountains and depth and width of the Grand Canyon. I spent a wonderful morning on the edge of the Virgin river with the Father basking in His attention while He covered me with the verses in Lamentations 3:21-27. The Lord IS good to those who hope in Him.

We spent hours hiking up trails, taking wrong turns and enjoying every second of it...well that is until you know who wanted to be carried up the steepest incline. We laughed and played games and ate...a lot! We had some quiet moments of sadness in reflecting on how we were one less and how our boy would be 9 months old on this trip. It was an amazing time.

We came home late Saturday evening and while I was going through the many pictures we took of the trip, my sister in law and I were commenting how the camera can not do justice to the beautiful handy work of our Lord. I did, however, stumble across one picture that took my breath away and that is this one of my most beautiful baby girl. Forget the mountains! I love that I have this creation with me every day to look at and enjoy. Not only does she take my breath away, but she makes up the greatest songs, sings them at the top of her lungs, asks the craziest questions no one has answers to and she even knows how to entertain herself for hours in the middle of no where with nothing to do. At one point she literally spent 2 hours digging for an elusive gopher she was sure lived in a mound of dirt next to the camper. Now THAT is an amazing creation.

Our trip was filled with awe and wonder, so much so I couldn't tell you half of what we saw at this point (Thank goodness we took five hundred pictures.) God granted us blessing after blessing on our trip to the point where we are amazed the truck made it home, but the greatest blessing and experience was that of our little family. I enjoyed every minute and will always treasure the echos of my child off the walls of Zion, followed by her delightful laugh that it actually worked.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lords great love
we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.
Lamentations 3:21-27

Here are some more pictures from our vacation:Taken at McPhee Reservior

Slot Canyons - Page Arizona

The Grand Canyon

I have recently determined my dog is a cat. I’ve had some suspicion with the way she bats things around when they fall to the floor, or how she stretches herself out and pulls herself – body completely flattened – towards me. She even does that arched back thing when she stretches. She cracks me up. However, yesterday…was not laughing let me tell you! We came home from church to find a lump of ick on the kitchen floor. After closer examination I determined the lump of ick was a dead mouse. ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR! Now those of you who know me and my idiosyncrasies should know I am a freak about icky stuff! I am ALWAYS checking for ick including mouse stuff in my kitchen and have never seen anything of the mousy sort! So I’ve decided Tessa brought that poor little helpless pile of ick into my house on purpose! We know it wasn’t Tucker because he’s old and way too slow to catch a mouse!

Follow my thoughts here for a second. All this got me thinking about how often we become something we are not. Have you ever had a friend with mannerisms that you start to pick up? They are not you. You’ve never before in your life acted that way, but something starts to rub off on you. Sometimes we go out of town and finally get to relax and be who we really are because we’ve been holding on to the personality we think others want to see. Have you ever been there? I know I have. I have bent over backwards to please friends or new acquaintances by being someone I am not. I have said yes to things Lord only knows I should have said no to. I have laughed at jokes I should have ignored. I have compromised who God says I am. I have become a slave to my social and work surroundings to be who people think I am…sound familiar? Don’t mistake what I’m saying. In 1 Corinthians 9:20-23 Paul offers us a glimpse of how he has become like those under the law, like those with no law, and like the weak all for the sake of the gospel! Paul adapted himself to the culture when it did NOT violate his devotion to Christ. He says in verse 19, “Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.” He did not become something he wasn’t; he divested himself of social and religious rights to win souls to Christ. We are free in Christ to be who we truly are! We need to live with purpose because God has purposed us! Do you see what I’m saying? We are the salt of the earth (Matt 5:13), the light of the world (Matt 5:14), set apart (Gal 1:15), called (Jude 1:1), approved (1 The 2:4), and appointed (John 15:16). We don’t need the approval of man because God has already approved us.

Recently an account rep for one of our investors and I were discussing some issues with a file and she paid me the highest compliment. I mentioned I would just have to pray about what we were facing and she said she new there was something different about me from the fist day she met me and I was someone she would like to get to know better. What a true blessing! I was set apart! Glory to God THAT is what I want!!! Let me encourage you to break away from the slavery of the world. I promise you when you are different, the world will notice it. There is nothing to notice about someone who does exactly what everyone else does. Yes persecution comes with that, but so does blessing. Or let me say the blessing is greater than the persecution! Let’s live with the purpose He purposed us with! Amen?

Now I’m done ranting but I want you to rest easy because I’ve had a very long talk with Tessa and broke the news to her that she really is a dog. I’m not sure how much attention she paid to the conversation as she was rolling over on her back looking for some praise and gratitude in the form of a belly rub. I’m not sure how many more piles of ick will be followed up by the talk but at least the talk did happen!


I am Your design
By grace, redeemed, refined
Purposed for your plan
Carried in Your hands

Anchor my soul in living water
Hold me steadfast in the storm
As the waves crash all around me
Only to You will I conform

My joy You make complete
The taste of grace so sweet
Praise you Father, Ancient One,
My chains you have undone

You’ve clothed my heart in joy
Gave me a life that’s been restored
A slave no more to sin
My soul You dwell therein

Glorious Father, the great I am
Adopted into Your plan
Gracious Redeemer, Counselor, Friend
My heart You do attend.

I am Your design
By grace, redeemed, refined
Purposed for Your plan
Carried in Your hands

Life as it is...

I have to tell you I'm not much of a blogger. I have another blog set up on myspace...yes I know the pit of sin, but someone has to be real in that place. My whole purpose of having that site was to keep an eye on 'my girls'. I would hope we can encourage them to be authentic in their walk with the Lord, EVEN in a place where they could potentially be anything they want.

So here we are. It is June. My last post turned into a heartbreaking reality. January 2nd I had Isaac. My silence was frustrating for some of you, but I am so blessed to have all of you as friends and have never for one second taken for granted how precious each and every one of you are to me.

This has been the hardest experience of my life, and in a lot of ways the journey has only just began. I was aware I would not know how hard it would be to let go until I was there having to do it. No words will ever be able to express the pain that lives in my heart. I will miss Isaac every day of my life. Last night I read a verse in Psalm that says "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." I expect to be singing for a long time after this!

I am physically working thru a lot of different pains, but all things considered we are doing as well as we can be.

Thank you all so much. You will never know the impact each of you have had on my life and I just can not even begin to express how much I appreciate your prayers and your friendship and your constant concern for us. Just so you all know, Hallie is doing fine. She has only asked once about 'my' baby and we gave her the honest answer that God needed our baby to do something else for him, but we would get to keep the next one, and she was satisfied with that answer. Jason is hanging in there and stands with me in the waves of pain and tears. We will, by the grace of our Father make it thru this. We believe in His blessings over our life and continue to lean on His understanding and not our own.

On Monday January 8th 2007 we laid our baby Isaac Matthew Pipkin to rest. He was buried next to his cousin Alexander Paul Skorick.

just a few minutes...

I think most people are surprised with a few things when they see me. One is that I'm still pregnant; the other is that I'm most likely smiling. Everyone keeps asking if there have been any change to the diagnosis. When I say that it is what it is and all we can ask for is a little bit of time, there is this look that comes across their face that is shock laced with a bit of confusion (I'm guessing this is where my mood or response confuses them.) I thought about this a little more and reflected on how many times I say to myself "I just can't imagine going thru that..." and then I realized you can't imagine it until you are there and this great thing called "survival" kicks in. I like to call survival = grace. Lord knows this road would not be bearable unless He was carrying me, as a matter of fact I don't think I'm walking on my own at all at this point.


So the truth...there are moments that I catch myself holding my breath. I feel the emotion welling up inside me and it sticks right in my throat. And that desperate feeling overwhelms my heart and I stop to take part in that moment of realization and these words wash over me again...and again...and again: "I can't believe this is happening to me". So truth be known, the pain can not be measured, but the promise of a blessing beyond this can't either. How beautiful is that that our God promises to carry us, attend to us, love us, and give us His strength when we call out for it! The one thing I love the best about His plan is that death is not the end. I will hold my son someday and he will be full of stories about his life with the great prophets and what he learned from his great grandpa and grandma.


Tearfully I accepted the other day that he is blessed even more than I in that he never has to make a choice of who to believe in. We take this world full of immorality and seduction head on when we become parents and we strive to raise our children with morals and values and an understanding of life beyond what we visualize here on earth. We arm them with all the right information and release them into the very world we try to protect them from to make their own decisions, all the while praying and agonizing that we've done right by them. All the while hoping they embrace God as their heavenly father...and here Isaac is...and God chose him before the agony even had to begin.I just want to hold him and kiss him and love him, because it only takes a few minutes to indulge your child with those things and they know with every fiber of their being that their mommy or daddy love them incomparably…and that is all they need. I believe Isaac already knows it, I'm sure of it, but this time…mommy needs it.


I will forever be in love with Isaac Matthew Pipkin. And when people ask me those questions about his diagnoses and I exclaim there is no change, he will not live, I truly do mean it when I say "all I need is a few minutes…".

It occurred to me today the journey set before me is very much part of the voyage I have already been on. We often look back at our past with regrets. When was the last time we looked back and thought “What a blessing!”?

I was listening to the words in a song that lyric:
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I see so many life experiences and failed dreams when I hear that song, and then I see my daughter’s arms wrapped around me. I see my husband, my family, and my home. I see the heartbreak our family experienced at the loss of my nephew Alex and the joy his brother Niko pours over our lives. Of course I see the future joy and pain we will experience the day we hold our son for the first time. My past has been very much a road of wisdom gained as I have been prepared for each blissful and sorrowful event of my life. “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief” Ecclesiastes 1:18.

I believe where joy and sorrow meet our past and our present collides. Our true test comes in whether we are prepared to use the tough experiences that broke us to touch other lives and help heal their past for their journey ahead. Are we keeping the most painful, most embarrassing experiences tucked away inside? What was the experience worth if we can’t share it? I think about those times when I can sit with a friend and cry because I know everything she is experiencing. How sweet it feels when I can avail myself to vulnerability in telling her “here’s what to expect on the other side, I know, I’ve been there”. Those words mean so much more to a suffering friend than ‘Everything happens for a reason’. There is nothing worse than an out of touch saying extended to someone in pain. What we do know is the sorrow is not meant to last forever.

Have you shared your past? Reflect on it, I would surmise if you’re holding on tight to your secrets, you have probably never healed from them. Have courage, our Father is faithful and our lives aren’t accidents, just like our life experiences aren’t accidents. Your past was meant to happen for a reason, the road you are on today is just where you are supposed to be. Don’t forget to praise Him for your past, as tough as it was, there really was a blessing in it, and you just might not have found it yet. And remember in the midst of our most painful moments, we are being shaped for the road ahead.

Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end. Isaiah 60:20